Then, while putting yourself in that
frame mind, write down all of the positive qualities about your mother and then your father, as you would see them as that nine or ten-year-old child. Then write down all of the negative qualities for your mother and then your father. Again, see them as a nine or ten-year-old child (not as you would see them today after both of you have hopefully grown up).
1. Positive Words That Describe Your Mom: 2. Positive Words That Describe Your Dad: 3. Negative Words That Describe Your Mom: 4. Negative Words That Describe Your Dad:
Now, take that list and compare the qualities to your current, love obsession. If you don’t have one, think about the last one. Look familiar? You unconsciously pick someone with a selection of your primary caregiver’s characteristics, both good and bad. Hopefully not everything, but some things. Freaky, isn’t it? This is not some sort of mumbo-jumbo,
it is based on “Imago” work popularized by Harville Hendrix. Imago is a psycho- analytic term that means an unconscious, idealized, mental image of someone, especially a parent that influences your behavior. And though I’m a behavioral guy (for those who know the psychologi- cal difference), this work still holds water. There are still many more aspects to explore, but if you want to look into this more, ask your therapist about it or pick
up, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, himself. All of this, is really just the first part.
Your “Relationship DNA” just makes you attracted to your man…It doesn’t promise success. To have things succeed past a spring fling, you will need to recognize when you have a good one on your hands, or when you need to toss one back into the “Scruff” sea. Although you may see his rockin’ body,
your Relationship DNA will blind you to the bad things about your man during the first few months of the relationship. This is often called the “Limerence period” and refers to that feeling of being in love and feeling high, as if on a drug. Limerence, is the smoke that gets in your eyes, when your heart’s on fire. The problem is that during this physiological limerence storm that takes over your brain in the name of love, you become blind to its objects. Love is a drug that takes over your brain and forces you to focus on everything that is right and wonderful about your new guy and turn a blind eye to everything that is wrong and wretched. This can be especially difficult because people are on their best behavior in the beginning phases of a relationship. Well, I am here to tell you that it is possible to navigate through your love- induced brain fog, without losing the high that’s better than White Party weekend. Consider me your “Dating-Eye Dog.” I can help you steer clear of what is wrong so that you can finally get Mr. Right.
FEBRUARY 2017 | RAGE monthly 27
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