covermr. right or mr. wrong?
There are lots of potholes and warning flags that should let you know you are headed in the wrong direction.
Here are the three, big areas to let you know you may need to put that relationship in reverse:
1. Past Relationship Length Sometimes, your new beau does not deliver on
all of the facts about his previous relationships. He may even try to portray his ex as a terrible person in an attempt to save your feelings, or make himself look like the good guy. But, chances are your new beau was just as bad. So, rather than asking a lot of pesky questions, just ask about how long they were together. If he has never had a relationship over a year
long, there might be a good reason (like he’s young or coming out late in life) but you had better find it. But the older he is, the less likely it’s going to happen. You might be his first, but if he’s over 40…I would hold off on picking a china pattern. If he has had relationships over one year in the
past but none over five years, then he’s in the gray zone. He may be young and just not have had the time on the planet to have a long relationship. But if he’s not, then he may have some rough edges that need to be worked out. Proceed with caution. If he has a history of one or more relationships
over five years in length, then he’s a relationship- oriented guy. Signs point to “yes.” This one is good for the long haul.
2. How He Treats Others This is your secret weapon. You never have to
ask a single question, simply watch every time he interacts with another person who is not you. How does he treat his family? His ex? His friends? Better yet, how does he treat service staff? Uber drivers? How about strangers? Does he react differently to people based on age, ethnicity, or gender? How does he act in bars? On business? How your beau treats others, is one day how he will also treat you. Guaranteed. If you happen to get sick while you are dating
your guy, pay attention to how he treats you. Illness can bring out the beauty in others, but it can also bring out the ugly.
3. Values, Values, Values This is for the long haul. What your partner wants
out of life and what you want out of life need to line up or you are in for a very rocky future. Are you both career oriented? Socializers? Loners? Love the outdoors? Family-oriented? Love attention? Love children and animals? Love working out? Want sexual experimentation? Crave intellectual stimulation?
There really is no end to the list of things that
bind a couple together. It is not necessary to have your values perfectly aligned, but what’s important is that none conflict – such as one wanting to live in the city and one in the countryside (Seriously, I had that one in therapy and it tore the couple apart). Then, support your partner in achieving his dreams. That’s probably the single best thing you can do to strengthen that bond between the two of you.
So, if you have found what you hope to be “Mr. Right,” remember the words from above. First, acknowledge that when your heart is on fire, smoke gets in your eyes and you are not likely to see everything so clearly. Rather than proceeding blindly and falling prey to a “Mr. Wrong,” consider his past relationships, how he treats others and his values. If it all seems great, make this guy’s Valentine’s Day a special one because this may just lead to something big. If it doesn’t all check out, get him a box of chocolates and have a good romp.
Might as well have some fun!
Dr. Greg Cason is best known as “Dr. Greg” from the Bravo series L.A. Shrinks. He appeared regularly as a psychological expert onThe Nancy Grace
Showand has also appeared in a variety of other TV programs. His expertise was also featured in documentaries such asThe Butch Factor, The Adonis Factor and most recentlyThe Secret Tapes of the O.J. Case. He was featured writer forFrontiers magazine’s psychology column and has also appeared inThe Huffington Post, The Advocate, Peopleas well as several others. Dr. Cason currently teaches at UCLA and is a licensed psychologist in Los Angeles, specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and LGBT issues.
For more about Dr. Greg, follow him on Twitter@drgregcason, or check out his website
atdrgreg.com.
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RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2017
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