When asking for something, it’s
important to say what it would provide us. For him, there needs to be a reward equal to or greater than the energy he’ll have to expend. Years ago, I described to my husband in colorful detail the experience of falling into the toilet in the middle of the night; he took it upon himself to make sure that never again happens to the women he loves.
What’s the secret to navigating partners’ differing needs and
drives for physical intimacy? The secret is to stop leaving our sex lives to the whims of biology, or making deci- sions based on whether we “feel like it.” Waiting for a time when both partners feel like it, the kids are at Grandma’s and we’re not too tired leads to sex happen- ing too rarely. Delicious sexual partner- ships begin when we decide to stop waiting and instead work on creating the circumstances that put us in the mood. One example is learning to offer “dessert”. Using the desire for food as a metaphor for the desire for sex, we’re often trying to eat together when only one partner is hungry. But dessert sounds delicious anytime; examples might be massage or kissing or other physical activities. Find out what reli- ably perks up a partner’s interest and put that on the menu.
How can a woman satisfy a man’s desire to provide without
sacrificing her independence? American culture tells women that being low-maintenance matters most. Yet, when we allow our partners to fulfill our needs, it can help us unlock our own greatness, as well as theirs. Men are driven to provide for their loved ones and denying them such opportuni- ties takes away their life’s pursuit, which can be emasculating. By asking for what we need,
women create opportunities for part- nership, satisfaction and fulfillment for both partners. When we allow the men in our life to contribute to us and learn to receive graciously, we discover that it doesn’t diminish our power.
Connect with freelance writer April Thompson, of Washington, D.C., at
AprilWrites.com.
natural awakenings February 2017 43
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