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Transforming the Way Women Relate to Men An Interview with Alison Armstrong by April Thompson


F


or 25 years, rela- tionship expert Alison Armstrong


has worked to evolve society by changing the way women relate to men. Her yearning to understand the oppo- site sex was born from personal challenges, including a failed mar- riage in her 20s. She began studying men on her own, at the age of 30, beginning with the


question, “What if men are respond- ing to women?” What started out as a personal inquiry has become a lifelong pursuit and she’s shared her findings with millions of men and women worldwide.


Armstrong, co-founder and CEO JOIN US ON:


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twitter.com/ NALIKelly


Kelly@NALIMag.com


of PAX Programs, addresses gender dif- ferences, sexuality and relationships. She has written three books, includ- ing The Queen’s Code, and speaks to interpersonal insights through workshops, webinars and teleclasses, including free recordings and articles at UnderstandMen.com.


Armstrong and her second husband


have been happily married for 23 years and now live in Colorado.


Which core differences between men and women cause everyday


misunderstandings? The biggest source of mischief is deny- ing that differences exist at all. Both men and women tend to assume that each is a version of the other, which creates significant misunderstandings.


42 Long Island Edition www.NaturalAwakeningsLI.com


We interact with our partners by doing or saying what works for us. When that doesn’t get the response we’re expecting, we usually draw incorrect conclu- sions and act in counter- productive ways. For example, men


and women relate to feelings differently. Women often make life decisions based on their feelings about some-


thing or someone. To men, who tend to rely on facts and set aside feelings, this approach can seem irrational, and relating to women as irrational has predictably bad outcomes.


Where does a couple best start to heal the communication


divide? The most powerful thing men and women can do is to address misunder- standings with openness and curiosity rather than assuming we know why our partner did or said something. We should ask ourselves, “What if there’s a good reason for that?” Don’t assume that what’s true for her is also true for him, and vice versa. Once a couple chooses to give


each other the benefit of the doubt, a few simple changes can further open up communication. Saying “I need” instead of “I want” will make a huge difference. Because being “needy” is considered unattractive, women avoid this word, not realizing that it connects with a man’s instinct to provide.


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