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by preserving the rights of families to provide home after-death care. Supporting and educating inter- ested families is the mission of Sacred Crossings founder Rev. Olivia Rose- marie Bareham. The certified death midwife and home funeral guide draws from her experiences as an auxiliary nurse and hospice volunteer to as- sist families with end-of-life planning, death midwifery and arrangements for an at-home vigil and funeral, as well as cremation and burial choices. “We also offer sacred singing to


help ease a loved one’s transition. Mu- sic by a bedside soloist or choir before, during and after death can be deeply relaxing and comforting, and even pro- vide pain relief,” advises Bareham.


Exploring the Mystery For more than 40 years, philosopher, psychologist and physician Raymond Moody’s life work has been acknowl- edging the mysteries and validating the unexplainable events at the end of life. His seminal bestseller Life After Life ap- peared in 1975. Lisa Smartt’s mentorship by Moody led them to co-found Final- WordsProject.org. She’s also authored Words at the Threshold, a study of the nonsensical, metaphorical and paradoxi- cal language and visions of the dying. Moody and Smartt agree that


by better understanding the unique language patterns related to end of life we can share more deeply and build bridges with our beloveds throughout the dying process. “When we do so, we offer greater support to the dying and ameliorate our own experience of loss as they cross the threshold,” remarks Smartt. Like William Peters, founder of the Shared Crossings Project, in Santa Barbara, California, they caution that compassionate etiquette during events at death is important. “Assume that levels of awareness


exist in the dying so that our energy and presence are felt and our voices heard,” advises Moody. “Respect your words and actions, regardless of the person’s state of consciousness. Be a compassionate listener and validate their vision. Don’t pretend to intellectualize or explain anything.” Dianne Gray, president and execu- tive director of the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross


We rediscover that in order to die well, we must live well. Dying gracefully is the result of a mindful,


day-to-day journey—a culmination of informed choices, honest discussions and deference to the hallowed fragility of nature’s life-death cycles.


~William Rosa


Foundation, also owns Hospice and Healthcare Communications. “The dying often wish to leave here surrounded by peace and harmony. They choose to let go of contentiousness and often wish family members would do the same, which is facilitated by mapping out Advance Directives according to the final wishes of the patient,” says Gray.


Questions she frequently addresses in public talks and Death Over Dinner party conversations include: the neces- sity of finishing unfinished business; bringing closure to unresolved relation- ship issues; finding words to express our compassion; soothing the sense of impending loss; and managing to take only love with us to the other side, yet


Writing Our Legacy by Linda Sechrist I


n their books Caring for the Dying and Having the Last


Say, authors Henry Fersko- Weiss and Alan Gelb, respec- tively, advocate reviewing our life and writing a short nar- rative to explore its value as we approach our final act of Earth’s play.


Processing experiences from the past and what they mean at this juncture presents us an opportunity to achieve greater clarity and integrate them in a positive way in our life story. According to Fersko-Weiss, it has the power to reduce depression, increase life satisfac- tion, promote acceptance of self and enhance integrity of spirit, no matter what phase of life we are in. The harvesting of life experiences should reflect our true humanity—flaws


and all—and what we’ve learned through mistakes and failures, as well as triumphs. Conveying a compelling mythic family story, values we’ve lived by and our embrace of meaningful relationships will help the people we know understand that, for all its difficulties and complexities, life is worth living. Our narrative, whether recorded as an essay or scripted video, becomes an act of praise for the gift of the life we’ve led, imperfect as it may have been. It can also serve as a potential keepsake that passes along life lessons and values from one generation to another. Gelb suggests that summing up what’s most important to us in 500 to


1,000 words can be an experience to savor and enjoy at a reflective time in life, an opportunity to capture our legacy and even serve as our own eulogy. When we want a loved one no longer here to feel near to us and hear them one last time, it’s a way for them to literally have the last say, he adds.


natural awakenings February 2017 29


Have a nice day Photo/Shutterstock.com


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