As many as 80 percent of us say we want to die at home.


~CNN


leave enough of it behind to help loved ones through their grieving process. She cautions that no matter how well we plan for death, things don’t always go as planned.


“Sometimes no matter how many


advance care conversations have taken place, discord can dismantle the best laid plans. It requires the tough work of compassionate communications. Friends and families need to remember that this is the patient’s end-of-life experience, not theirs. It is possible to find peace in the midst of conflict, understanding that the one leaving overwhelmingly wishes for a peaceful passing, including peace within the family.” The Death Over Dinner initia-


tive, founded by Michael Hebb in 2013, has been hosted by groups in more than 20 countries to help people engage in conversations on “how we want to die”—the most vital and costly discussion Americans aren’t having (DeathOverDinner.org/stories).


Practical Plans The American Institute of Certified Public Accountants and its 360 Degrees of Financial Literacy program offer a free downloadable national Guide to Financial Decisions: Implementing an End-of-Life Plan at Tinyurl.com/Essential- PlanNeeds. It includes basic descriptions of issues that arise as we age beyond retirement and details the critical documents needed for the individual, dependents, property, assets, estate plan- ning, wills and trusts. It also addresses issues related to advance, treatment and do-not-resuscitate directives, insurance, types of funerals and costs, and Social Security, Medicare and veterans’ ben- efits. Guidelines suggest consulting with a certified public accountant or personal financial planning specialist. The latest innovation is the bless-


ing of a living funeral, a celebration of life while the honoree is present to hear the eulogies, praises and farewells before they depart. AgingWithDignity.org provides a


downloadable Five Wishes document, a Long Island Edition


30


Love Abides by Diane Monks E


ntering into the space of a person that is actively dying is entering into sacred space, and the same is true for entering the world of those left behind. As a bereavement social worker, I had the opportunity to bear witness to the devastating grief that often accompanies the death of a loved one—whether it was anticipated after a long illness, or a sudden and unexpected death. Bereavement groups are commonly offered to family members in this


work. I can share that being involved in this work was both profoundly chal- lenging and simultaneously uplifting. In my experience, the support and the shared experience that these groups offer has been profoundly healing, and at times, life affirming as individuals strive to find their “new normal” after the loss of a loved one. There is something very powerful and uniquely healing about being in a group with others that are going through similar experiences, and oftentimes, speak the words of your own broken heart! Hope is a profoundly important part of this work, and I have been consistently inspired by the courage and the strength of so many men and women that have courageously carried on and worked to find peace and acceptance in their life after the death of a loved one! There is hope and comfort, even in the darkest of times.


“So long as we live, they too shall live,


for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.” Excerpt from the poem We Remember Them- Gates of Prayer, Reform Judaism Prayerbook


Diane Monks has worked as a bereavement social worker in hospice and as an adjunct professor of death and dying at Nassau College. She currently offers grief counseling and workshops at her office in Wantagh and can be reached at 516-826-5859. See ad on page 21.


popular advance directive, or living will that covers personal, spiritual, medical and legal aspects. It’s easy to use and can serve as a family guide to prompt conversations about personal care pref- erences in the event of serious illness. New York Times journalist Mark Lei-


bovich wrote about how Massachusetts Senator Edward Kennedy chose to spend his final weeks in pursuit of a “good ending.” As death approached, Ken- nedy told friends that he wanted to take stock of his life and enjoy the gift of his remaining days with the people he loved most. As a result, he continued enjoying his morning ritual of reading newspapers while drinking coffee, playing with his dogs, watching James Bond movies with his wife and holding family dinners and sing-alongs near nightly. He reveled in his bedside view of Nantucket Sound,


www.NaturalAwakeningsLI.com


sailed when he could and ate lots of his favorite ice cream. His mantra was, “Every day is a gift.” “As our time winds down, we all seek comfort in simple pleasures—com- panionship, everyday routines, the taste of good food, the warmth of sunlight on our faces,” remarks Boston’s Dr. Atul Gawa- nde in Being Mortal. “If we strive in our final months for independence, com- panionship, mindful attention, dignity, wisdom, joy, love and freedom from pain, we have the power to make those days less miserable, confusing and frightening.” In these many ways, we can manage


to gently embrace and tenderly navigate life’s final transition with grace and love.


Linda Sechrist is a senior staff writer for Natural Awakenings. Connect at ItsAllAboutWe.com.


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