This page contains a Flash digital edition of a book.
2016 FALL GUIDE # Living the Upbeat Life Santa Rosa, CA. ~ Yes,


by Marcia Singer • www.lovearts.info I’ve


changed the title of my column, and the format to a “Q&A,” so I can respond to your great questions about how to live an upbeat life.


My


challenge will be to fi nd a relevant word or expres- sion that helps illuminate us each month.


student at SRJC. My new girlfriend is hot, and a lot of fun. But I’m a little worried, because my friend is so on her phone, twittering, texting, even when I take her out for an expensive date. I think she should be free to do that, but kind of would like to have more of her attention. Am I just being self- ish? BTW, she doesn’t seem to mind if I’m on my phone when we’re together. ~“Confused in Sonoma.”


Q: A: Hi, Sonoma, good


question! T ere’s a word for this burgeoning global habit: people on their phones in social settings, choosing to pay attention to a screen, rather than to each other --even pretending not to notice you’re there at all, avoiding contact. It’s called phubbing [fub-ing], a term coined from “phone” and “snubbing.” If someone did this to me, I wouldn’t opt for a repeat performance. Many of my older peers just label it rude, inconsiderate or socially inept behavior. But in today’s technologically endowed world, it’s becoming


I’m a


socially acceptable (at least among youth). So how might we deal with it in terms of our modern relationships? You suggest that your girl- friend should be free to express herself, do what she wants, even if you’re uncom- fortable. T at may seem considerate, even noble at fi rst glance.


But for


any relationship to really work,


you two need to be connected –to each other! You need to be present with each other in order to feel respected and ap- preciated, and to explore ideas, values, passions. And --to de- velop skills in creating intima- cy and in resolving confl icts --- to have staying power through the rougher patches. Ask your- self, down deep, do you want a partner who prefers a robust, real connection? Does your new girlfriend want to really be close, or not? Do either of you have the wherewithal to create that for yourselves yet? T e good news is there are


Finding Joy in Troubled Times


Khentrul Lodrö T’hayé Rinpoche


many ways to learn how to grow relationship skills. How- ever, it will take heart-felt com- mitment, time, patience, expe- rience and intention to create a fulfi lling, lasting partnership. And hey, if you determine that what you want, right now, in- stead,


PUBLIC TALK is companionship and


T ursday, September 22 7:00-9:00 pm


Finley Community Center COMMUNICATE


Senior Wing Auditorium, Room 5 2060 West College Ave. Santa Rosa, CA 95401 Suggested donation: $5 Contact: Nancy Beaton: nancybeaton7@gmail.com


fun that doesn’t invite or re- quire deeper loyalties, e.g. sexy without a more abiding com- mitment, explore that path consciously, and see how it feels over time. Here’s another suggestion:


September’s word: PHUBBING


Ask yourself what you’re miss- ing when you feel she’s leaving you out, choosing a tweet over sweet you.


Be honest: What


are you wanting instead? Can you share what you discover with your friend? Also, think about if you were the phubber: what’s really going on? What’s the payoff ? By the way, it’s very OK to


tell your girlfriend you’d pre- fer leaving your phones out of potentially intimate scenarios. Intimacy is about being close –being real, including eye con- tact. Integrity is about respect- ing, honoring your own truth –and caring about her needs and desires, too, of course.


I


recommend having a heart-to- heart talk about what you each want from your blossoming re- lationship. Risk fi nding out the truth. You’ll be happier in the long run –short run, too? Let me know how it goes! Shining delight, Marcia


GOT A GREAT QUESTION FOR ME? CONTACT ME VIA MY WEBSITE GIVEN ABOVE. THANKS!


PUBLIC TALK


Taming the Wild Horse of the Mind: T e Seven Key Points of Mind Training, Part II


Khentrul Lodrö T’hayé Rinpoche Cozy Stylish


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Since 1967 we’ve been the favorite place to shop for your pets & farm animals!


September 24 and 25 10-noon & 2-5 pm


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Western Farm Center (707) 545-0721


21 West 7th Street • Santa Rosa


Mon-Sat 8am-5:30pm • Sun 9:30am-4pm www.westernfarmcenter.com


“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” ~ Zora Neale Hurston UPBEAT TIMES, INC. • September 2016 • 17 EVO HIGH


1


UPBEAT TIMES, INC. • September 2016 • 17


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