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makes me high in my own special way. ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

It's the bow to the wow, creepin’ and crawlin’.

I think of all the things, what you're doing, and in my head I paint a picture.

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯ ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions.

I’ve been to a post-punk postcard fair.

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯ ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

'Cause London is drowning and I, I live by the river.

I'm the self inflicted mind detonator. Knowing you're there every day


walked into a bar...

a man

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”

Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me four months to live, so I shot him. Today the judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.

I can’t wait till the app Grand Theft Auto Go comes out.

Before I die I’m gonna swallow a whole bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation is gonna be epic.

Find the answers exclusively online at Y

ou know that phrase “life is what happens when you’re busy making

other plans”? Yep, it’s bollocks, I know. I tend to find that actually a beer is what happens when you’re making other plans. And if there is no plan forthcoming, at least there will be another beer. While trying to decide what and where we wanted to eat, me and the fella passed St Andrew’s Brewhouse. Te elders among you will remember it as Te Festival House, those not quite so old will know it as Delaney’s (if you were ever sober enough to remember being in Delaney’s, which no one ever should have been). Now a craft beer brewing, kooky cartoon- illustrated, ‘British tapas’ serving pub-restaurant, St Andrews seems to be doing something right. Especially when I saw a Weird Beard ale

on tap. Te farmhouse ale (no, I’m not sure either) Saison 14 is one of their seasonals, and is an acquired taste. I like it, some hate it (I’m looking at you Craig) but the flavour can’t be denied. Te Saison yeast gives the beer its name, and the slightly cloudy pint has a definite citrusy-hop smell and an almost sour aftertaste. It’s a pale beer with bite and at 5.6% it should do. As we sat outside, a group of Hawaiian-shirted chaps ambled towards the pub, asking us to take a photo of their group and we still hadn’t fully decided on dinner. So while we were mulling over our evening’s plan, we ordered another Saison.

An ironing board is just a surfboard that gave up on its dreams and got a real job.

When someone stops me to ask for directions I always give them directions to my house. Then I say to myself “See you in 20 minutes my new best friend”

My penis was once in the Guinness World Records until the librarian told me to take it out.

Just watched an incredible documentary on cocaine. From now on I’m going to watch all documentaries this way. / October 2016 / 7

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