Creating a Conscious Relationship with Your Partner


By Kristen Werblow, M.A. I


s there a formula for success in relationships? Have you ever wondered how some couples sustain healthy, happy, loving rela- tionships while others seem to struggle?


When two individuals agree to specifi c conscious-minded prac- tices, their relationship can thrive.


Imagine this: Two people begin a relationship. They are danc- ing in the ‘honeymoon’ state of new love. Since they both experi- enced a few breakups in the past, they decide to work on creating a conscious-minded relationship this time. What this means is that they will make an effort to listen to one another, focus on solutions instead of problems, see opportunities during times of struggle, and most importantly, strive to maintain balance and well-being in their own lives apart from each other. The results of these intentions en- able them to experience a relationship that is unlike any other. This means that when relationship ‘problems’ arise, they look at them from a different perspective, which allows for a beautiful and very different unfolding in the relationship.


Is there a formula for success in relationships that some know and some do not? The answer is YES. Try using the 5-Step Formula below and experience it for yourself.


Five-Step Formula For Success Within Healthy Relationships 1.Stay Balanced


If we desire happiness, balance, and love within an intimate relationship then we must embody that within ourselves fi rst. Main- taining a state of balance within means nourishing and nurturing the body, mind, and spirit. This includes staying positive and under- standing that our thoughts and emotions have a huge impact on our life experience. It means embodying physical health through eating well and exercising.


Last, and most important, it means cultivating a connection to


the divine presence that resides within us all, through meditation or other mindful practices. This practice will allow us to stay more grounded in a state of love and compassion rather than frustration


28 Essential Living Maine ~ May/June 2015


and anger even during the most diffi cult times. In this balanced state, our heightened awareness helps us to defl ect any stress or negative energy that we face in our interactions with others.


2. Be an Active Listener Most of us simply want to be heard, yet often have a hard time listening to others. Instead of listening, some people defend their point of view in their own mind or even interrupt their part- ner mid-sentence. Does this sound familiar? Have you ever had a partner approach you with an issue and you started defending yourself before s/he even fi nished speaking? If this is the case, then it is imperative to practice active listening. When two individuals remember (or at least one remembers and reminds the other) that active listening is the key here, miracles can occur. Disagreements won’t grow into arguments, because the speaker has been able to fully express him/ herself and feels that s/he has been heard. Active listening is respecting your partner’s need to talk while listening pa- tiently and putting your own thoughts, reactions, advice or defenses on hold.


3. Acknowledge and Validate Others’ Feelings


Once the speaker has expressed his/ her feelings, it is essential that the listener acknowledge that s/he has heard the speaker’s feel- ings and now validates that those feelings are real. This important step can often make all the difference during times of struggle in a relationship. We need to be able to express our feelings, and we need to know that our feelings have been heard. Instead of trying to defend yourself, try this fi rst.


Example: It is completely understandable that you feel (disap-


pointed, angry, resentful; name the emotion) because (I forgot to call you as promised; name what the other person is upset about).


Sometimes this simple acknowledgement is all that the speaker


is seeking. We need to be validated by our loved ones and ac- cepted for who we are. And we need to be able to offer the same to them. Potential arguments or disruptions are often avoided when this simple practice takes place.


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