This page contains a Flash digital edition of a book.
Sex, Money, and… Retirement: How to Thrive in the Second Half of Your Marriage


By Lawrence Ford


ence between surviving and thriving for couples during the second half of your life.


O We have all heard it before, and perhaps even experienced


fi rsthand the two top killers of a marriage… sex and money. But what does retirement have to do with healthy relationships? It turns out that moving into the stage of retirement can have a signifi cant effect on your relationship. The National Center of Health Statistics reports that during 1981 to 1991, there was a 16 percent increase in the divorce rate among couples who have been married 30 or more years. Marriage after retirement can be a diffi cult time for many couples.


Life’s Transitions Look back at your life for a minute and think about those “big”


transitions like being born, getting dropped off for school for the fi rst time, your fi rst sleepover, your fi rst bus ride to school, your fi rst date, graduation from high school or college, your fi rst job, having a child, getting divorced/remarried, health/psychological chal- lenges, loss of someone close, children off to school, retirement, and of course the preparation for that last big fi nal transition, the death of your body. From a spiritual perspective, life’s transitions are all simply life’s way of “waking us” – giving us the opportunity to remember why we are alive and to bust through the blocks that hold us back from fully being ourselves.


Because we have been through so much at this point of our


lives we would hope that we have learned from all of these past life experiences that put us through initiations, but for many of us we are numb to the events and consequently when we enter into the retirement initiation we are no more prepared than when we were hopping on the bus on our way to fi rst grade.


I sat down with Christine Ragusa, a licensed marriage and


family therapist working out of Gulf Stream Center for Health and Wealth. Christine has nearly twenty years of counseling experience working with couples and observing couples as they go through life’s challenges and transitions. I was curious about her perspective as couples went through retirement.


26 Essential Living Maine ~ May/June 2015


2. Communication As the years slip by we become unconscious of this increasing


ability to know each other so well that our non-verbal communica- tion often says more than our words. Not being aware and honest about this is where the trouble starts. Ragusa says, “Couples start to mind read without accuracy and because they think they know exactly what the other is thinking, they think they don’t need to confi rm their assumptions with their partner, (mainly because they don’t think they are assumptions at all). Thinking we know every- thing that the other person is thinking and not being conscious of our self-imposed mind reading capabilities is killer number 2 of a happy retirement.”


ne day we wake up and say, “Where did the time go?” The kids are off and we are retired. Waking up and entering the stage of retirement in a conscious way can make the differ-


1. Intimacy: For some of us, just the thought of being together 24/7 can


send shivers down our spine…how sad is that? Chris Ragusa says, “Retirement brings a couple into incredibly close quarters, and you can fi nd yourself staring across the kitchen table at your partner with little to say. Often through necessity your lives have become separate, you sleepwalk through many years and next thing you know the two of you are by yourselves again. Becoming intimate may take practice, and not just sexually. Behaviors you have found in your spouse as slightly annoying during the “busy” years may grow into an ugly monster in retirement if you are not careful. The little things like leaving the toothpaste top off can create a wedge that becomes a silent cavern by the time you fi nally slow down and look at each other again. Lack of intimacy is the number one killer of a happy retirement.”


Tip: Remember when you were on your fi rst date and you were


both nervous? It was exciting and terrifying because it was all new. Have some fun and admit to yourself that in some way this next stage of your life is similar. You may think you know each other but chances are a lot has happened over the years that you have both missed. Enter this time like you are starting over. You know how we say if I could just go back to another time in the past knowing what I know now? How different it would be because I have learned so much and am so much wiser? Well here is your chance. Begin dating again. Coming from this perspective can seem a little strange but it will break the ice and ease the tension. Talk about it this time. Laugh joke and be raw. Everyone goes through it. Choose to be conscious going through it, it can change the game.


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36