• Pause. Finding a relaxed and lovely place to stop moving sets the stage for cultivating singularity of focus on pleasure and sensa- tion. Set yourself up for the best-case scenario for no interruptions or distractions. Turn the ringer off, hide the laundry or even spend some time to create your own sanctuary. Remember that doing the best you can is the best you can do and go with it.
• Prepare. Gather what you wish to include for your mindful expe- rience. Remember this may or may not include a partner. Mindful sexual experiences are first and foremost for you. If you are solo, you may wish to have your favorite pleasure objects at hand, of- ten called sex toys. Hands alone are also well suited as pleasure objects. If you are engaging with a partner, communicate and negotiate. Share your needs and be prepared to be generous with each other. Commit to giving your undivided attention know- ing that it may lapse. Also give one another permission to gently bring each other’s attention back if you become distracted or to draw things to a close at any time. Know that mindful sex is a practice and revel in the fact that the more you practice the more satisfactory the result.
• Feel. When you engage, tune into and feel sensation from every one of your senses. Move through methodically and notice what you are feeling. Sink into that experience. Extract any judgments or expectations and only feel. Give yourself and each other permission to share authentic communication about how experi- ences feel. Focus on clear requests for more of what you do want. Follow your pleasure and bliss. Soak in all the sensation.
• Notice. After the experience, ask yourself questions about every facet of what you felt. What did feel amazing? When did my mind wander? What did I do to bring my attention back to the pleasure? When did I experience judgment from within? What did it feel like to let go of expectations? What did my partner do that supported my mindfulness? When did I experience restless or resistance? Remember no judgment and no expectation. Just receive the answers to those questions as resources. All of this feedback is wisdom. Your own wisdom is surfacing and available to cultivate a more refined mindful experience during your next practice.
Know that this practice of cultivating mindful sexual experiences is a practice. Every time you tune in you gather more of your own wisdom. Recognize that each experience is beautiful in its own way and happens just as it will to draw attention to the areas where you can dive deep into your own resistance. Your willingness, courage and persistence are irresistible. Beautiful sex is there for you when you truly want it.
Krista Haapala is a sex and relationship coach in Portland, Maine. In 2005, she founded Living Balance to coach people in finding their edge and living with passion. Krista holds a Master's degree from the Boston College Graduate School of Social Work and postgraduate training in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. As a member of the American Counseling Association and the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, she works with individuals and partners to create fiercely fulfilling relationships of every stripe. Learn more about Krista and her philosophy of practice at livingbal-
ancelifecoaching.com.
www.EssentialLivingMaine.com
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