about shifting a person’s perspective. This daily practice helps pa- tients’ focus and appreciate the here and now, instead of becoming preoccupied with the past and the future. For an infertility patient, this means letting go of past experiences (e.g., a negative pregnancy test) as well as future expectations (e.g., tomorrow’s embryo transfer) that prevent you from enjoying the present moment. I encourage my patients to imagine putting their thoughts about their infertility treat- ments away in a box, for a little while, and practicing Mindfulness or “being in the moment” 15 minutes a day.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn puts it, Mindfulness is the “direct opposite of taking life for granted.” By learning to live in the moment, patients can promote peace and stillness within.
Mind-Body for Couples I fi nd that the most effective adaptation of the mind-body ap-
proach starts with the individual and moves to the couple. Like a couple who chooses to lose weight together through improved diet and exercise habits, mind-body approach works best when a patient has the support of her partner. Mind-body exercises can help a couple to improve their communication and manage their stress together.
Rather than allowing infertility to become all-encompassing, I
encourage my patients to recapture joy. If it is hard to do that, I ask my patients to make a list of 20 things that make them happy and fi nd a way to incorporate them into their day and/ or their week. They should fi nd something they enjoy doing together. It is impor- tant for couples to laugh together and have fun, to live in that mo- ment, even when infertility is taking its toll.
Couples can support each other by practicing mind-body tech- niques together. They can take a yoga class, do a guided meditation or even take a mindful walk together. They can also seek out support groups or counseling. For patients who are struggling with their emotions during this time, this can have signifi cant benefi ts. These are safe environments where patients can share their thoughts, fears, anxieties, and disappointments. They take comfort in knowing they are not alone; after all, one in six couples experiences infertility. They may fi nd a way to articulate their feelings. These sessions also can be a way to address emotions with a fi nite start and fi nish; al- lowing couples to discuss their feelings without letting those feelings encroach on every moment of the day.
Lastly, I suggest resources and reading to patients. Alice Domar, a thought-leader in using mind-body connection to improve fertility, has written Healing Mind, Healthy Women. One of her ideas for improving communication and the tone of couples’ conversations is through “new and good.” For example, when a couple comes home at the end of the day, they each share one new item and one piece of good news from their days. By restructuring their thoughts into something positive, they are changing the way they communicate and interact.
Infertility Patients are More than their Diagnosis. An infertility diagnosis and going through treatment can be one of the most stressful experiences a couple will endure together. But it does not have to defi ne them. It can be a learning experience with lasting benefi ts. By overcoming these challenges, you can learn how to cope with stress and better yet, your relationship can become even stronger.
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Melissa Kelleher, LCSW works with couples and individuals at Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut (RMACT), giving them the tools to emotionally handle their fertility challenges and make related decisions. Melissa earned her Master’s in Social Work from New York University and she graduated cum laude from State University of New York at Albany. She has been working as a Master Level Social Worker (MSW) since 1997, and earned her LCSW from New York State in 2006 (when it was fi rst offered) and from Con- necticut in 2013. Melissa has trained under Alice D. Domar, PhD, a pioneer in the application of mind-body medicine to men’s and women’s health issues. See ad on page 35.
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