HOME & GARDEN Tales from a kitchen
Gardener W
hen I was invited to open the polytunnel to visitors for charity by
Scotlandsgardens.org, I nearly choked on my cup of Lady Grey. How could a tunnel hold the interest of visitors who have experienced the most veritably verdant, fl orally fantastic, bo- tanically bountiful, herbaceous- ly high-brow gardens in Argyll? My polytunnel is a mere pimple on the décolletage of such cel- ebrated scenery. What our visitors fi nd, when they’ve coughed up their £3, is a cornucopia of warty vegeta- bles over which I am clucking, as if they were my offspring. Meanwhile, my real family is looking on, mystifi ed. The rest of our garden would not nec- essarily set the heather on fi re. Well - except the other day. A tight band of kagool-clad people came marching through the gate. Bespectacled and bedecked in haversacks, cam- eras and clipboards. It was ap- parent from their gait and the buzz of excited chatter that they were on a mission. But what could the mission be?
For a split second, I thought the camera crew of ‘Gardeners
22 by Yvonne Anderson, Melfort House
National Monument found in Garden
World’ had fi nally found me. One of them was sporting a tape measure draped around his neck. A horrifi c thought fl ew into my mind and my face crumpled. Are they going to put that tape round my waist? Shades of Cinderella, “I’m sorry Mrs. Anderson. We’re scour- ing the country looking for a gardener to anchor our next series. We had high hopes but, sadly, you are three inches too wide. Bad luck……” They got to the door with beaming smiles. By this time, I was ashen. Would I mind if they took a closer look at our Monkey Puzzle Tree? ‘Be my guest,’ I replied, exhaling too violently.
After an hour of industrious measuring, picture-snapping and note-writing, they re- turned. Their expressions were triumphant. “You’ll be delighted to know that your Araucaria araucana (Monkey Puzzle) has the larg- est girth of any specimen in the UK. As such, it will be noted in The Tree Register”. Wow. I know many a friend who would like to be told that. For a moment I felt like Mr. Uni- verse. A cause for celebration, I con- cluded, dusting down a bottle of bubbly and heading for the crystal cabinet. The research- ers politely declined and left. Also known as a Chilean Pine
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