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Suggestions – Active Listening & Nonviolent


Communication First Draft – C. Phillips, Turtle Path MPC, 266 Greenwood St., Worcester 757-9533, www.turtlepath.org


Basic Conduct


✤ Interruptions undermine trust and understanding; no cross talk ✤ Talk from our own experience, not about others ✤ Listening includes eye contact and body language ✤ Brevity of speech = Power ✤ Wrapping up at your time limit = Respect ✤ Reflect back what you think you have heard and solicit confir- mation of correction


The Anatomy of an I-Statement


“When you say, do, want __________” I feel __________ (confused, upset, concerned, …)” Because I __________ (consequences to me of your behavior)” “So what I would like is __________ (direct request, preference)” Listen-Join-Acknowledge Other’s Point of View.


The Anatomy of Negotiating


1.Name real needs (not solutions) of each party 2.Barnstorm possible solutions 3.Eliminate unacceptable solutions 4.Choose solution 5.Implement – who, what, when 6.Evaluate at future time


Requirements of Building Relationship 1.Feel all your feelings 2.Tell the Truth (your experience as you currently perceive it; that which cannot be argued about, usually a clear statement of feel- ing, body sensation, what actually happened, or what you actu- ally did) 3.Keep your agreements 4.Take responsibility for your own well-being and actions 5.Accept responsibility’s power, responsibility’s risk 6.When possible, exchange power-over and self-power for power-with and a commitment to building understanding in the relationship 7.Commit yourself to empowering people around you, including those with whom you are in conflict 8.Know a needs conflict (tangible). Define problems in terms of needs, not solutions 9.Know when a values conflict (intangible) must continue and how to manage it. 10.If we initiate conflict, we benefit from having a strategy for what to do next.


Questions About Truth-Telling


✤ Are you clear? ✤ Are you sure? ✤ Is there a way to express a more honest, accurate level of


truth? ✤ What is your underlying intention?


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