The Hidden Spell By Lezah Young O
ccasionally, I can work on a problem, an emotional issue, for extended periods. If I don’t get to the root, which usually resides in my childhood, it can take longer to uncover, accept, and change the behavior or thought pattern. I’ve learned over the years that when I get triggered—feeling rejected, angry, or resentful because of something someone does or says, such as when my friend said that she couldn’t keep our date, I’ve learned to look deeper for clearer answers.
My first reaction was to
understand her motive. I could see why she needed to change plans, and even though I was disappointed I understood her. I also noticed there was an element to my disappointment that felt somewhat overboard, more extreme than the situation warranted. This was my clue, a red flag, so to speak. It was a red flag saying, “Stop, look deeper, this is about me, not my friend or this current
situation.” Taking time for emotionally focused, meditative reflection allowed me to intuit by way of my emotional body, and the memories began to surface. In focusing on what seemed like rejection by my friend, I uncovered the early event that was the true source of rejection. This new experience simply hopped on top of the old experience for a ride into possible obscurity. Knowing the red flags as well as I do contradicted the possible obscurity, morphing instead into a clear direction—a direction from inside where I found the answers, as is usual when I go inside and trust my process. Drina, a professional
photographer, has been in love with Peter for nearly five years. Through the years we’ve had a substantial number of sessions about Peter’s emotional unavailability. We have talked about what it is in Drina that blocks her insight regarding this fact. She sees that she’s running after him. She knows on some level that he’s not truly there for her. Peter has lots of interesting women in his life all around the world. Drina is aware of this, and even though it negatively affects her self-image, she makes excuses for him—excuses such as that she knows he cares about her because of the warmth she feels from him at times.
He has told her before, though,
that he doesn’t want to get into a relationship. Peter says this to her while he also uses seduction, appearing to take an interest in her, expressing warmth while making eye contact that includes
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a special magnetizing quality that invites her to join him and his hidden spell. He invites her in but when it gets too close he pushes her away, either overtly or by not communicating for months at a time. Meanwhile, she rationalizes his noninterest to fortify her commitment to him and distract her from her loneliness. Drina slowly begins to realize that she is spinning her wheels. She is ready to see more deeply. She is ready to look at how similar Peter is to her own father, who was also unavailable. Her father, who recently died, had had some affairs. Drina was aware of them, and she felt disgusted by him, yet she also needed his love, which he could not give.
Peter experienced early on a mother who overempowered him by confiding in him, leaning on him as one would an adult. Peter’s father was absent even when he was there. Peter is afraid of smothering love, such as the type his mother expressed.
While he is afraid of that force, the smothering love force, he longs for love as he simultaneously pushes any resemblance of love away, for fear it may in fact smother him instead. His fear of smothering love creates his need to stay distant, yet his desire for love shows up in a need to feel adored. Peter uses seduction to create an atmosphere that resembles openheartedness and an ability to connect in deep ways. It’s juicy bait for a lot of women who are searching for Mr. Right.
Integration of the Self towards harmony, healing, and higher consciousness
Reverend
Christina Stewart MA By Appointment Only
EmotionalBalanceCenter.com 10
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