INSPIRE The Helium Hand: Falling Back without Falling Down T


here’s an expression often heard in corporate America that goes as follows: “If you want to get something done, give it to a busy person.” This phrase is advantageous to the company,


but what about the hardworking individual whose large platter is already overfl owing? The pressure to perform, produce and achieve is enormous and it doesn’t just apply to the workplace. The double-edged expression fi lters down to our day-to-day


activities; be it at home, within the extended family unit, volunteer- ing, at our places of worship, our kid’s schools, and even with our closest friends and signifi cant others. Somewhere along the line (probably at a very early age) we were stopped from giving our- selves permission to say, “No. I’m sorry. I just can’t do this (project, social event, fundraiser, etc.) right now.” Instead, an invisible helium hand popped up, pushing our own needs out of the way. The result: We developed the habit of saying, “Sure! I’ll do it,” no matter what the cost. So, what is it about taking on more than we can or want to handle that both pleases us and makes us resentful at the same time? Why do we say yes when our brain says no? The helium hand is fueled by many things. Here are a few you


may recognize in yourself:


• “I don’t want to disappoint anybody or have anybody be mad at me...”


• “I don’t want to appear lazier, weaker or “lesser than” someone else...” • “If I say no, I’ll feel guilty or people won’t like me...”


These are examples of things that keep us stuck and make us re-


sentful, even as the helium hand keeps popping up again and again. It’s diffi cult to establish and honor self-protective boundaries that al- low us to say no when our energy is being sapped. It also leaves us little or no room to shout out, “YES!” to the things that bring us joy and move us forward personally, professionally and emotionally. Learning to say no to things that deplete us takes courage and


practice and doesn’t happen overnight. Before your helium hand pops up, consider when it’s right for you to wholeheartedly say yes to something. Ask yourself the following questions:


• Does saying yes bring me joy or will it sap me? • Does saying yes support my vision for the future, or does it keep me stuck or even set me back? • Does saying yes have an unrealistic time commitment associated with it?


Personally, I’ve been working on keeping my own helium hand


down by prioritizing when asked to do something. Like most of us, it’s an ongoing, conscious effort. I’m thinking things through before answering yes or no, which slowly releases the gas from the “infl at- ed impulse” to please and be seen through the eyes of others. With a little practice and awareness you can pop the helium hand too!


Your Turn (To Say No)!


Take a few pieces of blank paper and write, “NO” boldly across the top (Just writing NO feels great). Jot down a few simple bullet points answering the following:


1. Where have I said yes recently when no would have been a healthier choice for me? 2. How will saying no become a tool of empowerment? 3. How will saying no result in less resentment and stress in my life?


Start the practice of saying no by waiting a few minutes, hours


or even overnight before saying yes to a request, no matter how small. Remember, several “little” yeses means the helium hand is popping up, possibly leading you away from your own vision and joyous path. Then, say no three times a day for one week. Keep a record of


how you feel when you are your fi rst priority! Lastly, saying no is not intended to be an uncaring or insensi-


tive way to live your life. If anything, prioritizing your efforts and energy actually gives you more room to “fall back” and have time for acts of kindness and generosity. A heart-full of joy, free from resentment is a gift only you can give yourself, and popping the helium hand is a huge step in the right direction.


Deb Bergeron, PCC, CPCC, founder of Ocean of Possibilities, is a certifi ed personal and professional life coach. Deb works with high achieving professionals, helping them to realign with their most sig- nifi cant priorities so they can live their lives vibrantly, with greater joy, balance, and fulfi llment. In addition to her private coaching practice, Deb is also a speaker and workshop presenter, special- izing in stress management and work-life balance. You can fi nd out more about Deb and how she works at www.oceanofpossibilities. com. See ad on page 7.


DEB BERGERON, PCC,CPCC


26 Essential Living Maine ~ May/June 2014


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