guess what, Leo, it doesn’t matter a fig. Just get out. Don’t overthink it. Drop it like it’s hot. Hit the road, Jack. Life’s too short to peel a mushroom. Lucky Day: April 12th
AQUARIUSJan 20 - Feb 18 In one way, you are now dealing with a chaotic scenario. In another, you’re not. Chaos is funny like that. It’s unpredictable, capricious, chaotic… Unpredictable. Did I say that already? Tat’s what I’m talking about. CHAOS! If anyone can handle it, though, it’s you, oh clever Aquarius. Expect the unexpected. Especially from goons on April 1st. Lucky day: April 32nd
PISCESFeb 19 - Mar 20 A recent attempt to be more disciplined and discriminating has not been easy, but it has had a good result. See? It works! Now all you’ve got to do is stick at it. Don’t go all ‘lazy Pisces’ and ruin your hard work. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither was Great Yarmouth, for that matter, and that place is a shithole. My point is don’t expect miracles overnight. And don’t go to Yarmouth. It’s a shithole. Lucky Day: April 24th
TAURUSApr 20 - May 20 Your key to future success lies in re- examining a past 'failure'. Luckily, you have many to choose from - your back-story boasts such a wealth of cautionary tales you could write a volume of didactic folk stories. Grimm? It fucking would be. Oh, stubborn Taurus, learn to learn. Lucky Day: April 24th
VIRGOAug 23 - Sep 22 Where are you in the greater danger? In the burning building or the freezing tundra? You’ll need that Virgo gift for analysis to identify the lesser of these two evils this month but, in all honesty, you’re getting shafted either way. All you can do is make sure you get taken to dinner first. Lucky Day: April 1st
ARIES
GEMINIMay 21 - Jun 22 If you feel like you cannot distinguish your needs from someone else's, you are pretty much right on schedule. Oh, Gemini, you need to start looking out for number one, and you need to do it now. Start following your dreams. (Unless they’re about doing exams in the nude while your Mum watches, in which case eat less cheese.) Lucky Day: April 9th
CANCERJun 21 - Jul 22 Here's a funny thing. Cancer. Wait a second. Tat should read: here’s a funny thing, Cancer. A clown. A clown that’s recovering from cancer. Nose cancer. Hilarious. Honk honk! Don’t smoke. Text HONK to 77777. #nomakeupclownselfie Lucky Day: April 16th
LEOJul 23 - Aug 22 Are you uncomfortable within a situation because there is something wrong with it - or merely because you feel that you ought to be somewhere else, doing something different? Well,
10 / April 2014/
outlineonline.co.uk
Mar 21 - Apr 19 People misunderstand each other more often than they realise. Oh, impatient Aries, autocorrect may be a handy tool, but sometimes it can make you look like a ducking count. How can you expect to be understood in 140 characters? What are you, Game of Trones? Lucky Day: April 7th
LIBRASep 23 - Oct 22 Imagine if we could see into each other's minds. As William Blake wrote, “If any gift our God could give us, ‘twould be to see ourselves as others see us.” In your case, though, oh vain Libra, you would be like a budgie in a hall of mirrors. Stop being so self-absorbed and you may find something else as beautiful as you think you are. Lucky day: April 21st
SCORPIOOct 23 - Nov 21 Some obstacles are opportunities. Some opportunities are
obstacles. All obstacles are obstacles. All opportunities are opportunities. All mice eat cheese. I eat cheese. Am I therefore a mouse? Don’t fall
foul of the false syllogism, Scorpio. Remember, the early bird gets the worm, but the late mouse gets the cheese. Lucky Day: April 3rd
SAGITTARIUSNov 22 - Dec 21 Someone is doing something you
disapprove of. Tey’re being emotional and dependant. Oh, unemotional, independent Sagittarius, you’re still not getting my message.
Don’t be angry at them for being emotional and dependant, be angry at yourself for being so unemotional and independent. Lucky Day: April 23rd
CAPRICORNDec 22 - Jan20 What gives you the right to judge? Tere was another famous Capricorn that had a few things to say about judgement, wasn’t there. Praise him. He told us that we couldn’t go on together, with suspicious minds (suspicious minds). Tat’s right. Elvis. Be more like Elvis, and less judgemental. Tank you, thank you very much. Lucky Day: April 11th
BY DR E. MANN
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