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then blast off! Blast off. You’re headed to the fuckin’ moon.


I tell you what else is a blistering song – ‘Dumb Luck’. Te rest of the world’s had the pleasure of experiencing that one too. For me, it might knock off ‘Nobody Move…’ from the top played We Are Scientists track list on Spotify. What do you think about that? I’d love to see it happen.


Because ‘Nobody Move…’ is a bit of a Spotify behemoth, isn’t it? It’s a monster; it’s a monster alright. We have actually had conference calls with executives from Spotify trying to figure out what to do about the burden that ‘Nobody Move…’ is on their servers. I mean, there is no easy solution. So they, as well, would be quite happy to see ‘Dumb Luck’ shoulder some, or even all of the weight that ‘Nobody Move…’ has borne for so long. ‘Nobody Move…’ is sort of like Atlas, you know; he’s got earth on his shoulders and then all of a sudden, Hercules came and he could take the burden. I’m not making this story up – this actually happened. Of course Hercules took the burden for a moment, but then tricked Atlas into taking it back.


Favour’s like that though; you


‘Return the


You’re headed to the fuckin’ moon.


think you’re just easing into a nice nap situation, then blast o ff!


ever read the Tin Tin books? Do you recall the one where it’s something on the moon? ‘Destination Moon’, or something like that? Tey’re taking a rocket that Professor Calculus has designed to the moon and it’s gonna be the first trip, but the Tompsons- you know, the batshit crazy investigator guys – get on the rocket ship and fall asleep, and they blast off with them in the hold. Actually, they don’t wake up during blast off; they wake up an hour later. I think ‘Return the Favour’s like that though; you think you’re just easing into a nice, maybe nap situation,


Not a very clever trick either. Hercules was not a clever man, really, by most estimations. He simply said, “would you take it back while I get in a more comfortable position?” And then Atlas took planet earth back and Hercules said, “Bu-bye.” He was a cruel and pugilistic fellow, Hercules. Not as


admirable as the Kevin Sorbo iteration would lead us to believe, if you saw that television show –


- Or the Disney one. Or Disney’s, but Disney’s Hercules might actually be closer to the real one. I mean, that guy is pretty dumb – especially in the first act. He regularly causes havoc with his strength, so maybe that’s a little closer to what happened. But yeah, Hercules would take any opportunity to experience umbrage, and then would always suggest fighting as a solution. Of course, he knew he would win and he killed lots and lots of relatively OK dudes.


A lot like British men. British men? Probably some. I’m not sure he ever travelled as far north as Britain, but if there were Brits in Greece, for example, or down in the Mediterranean way, I suspect that had they fallen in Hercules’ path, he probably would’ve fought them over their accent.


We were talking about ‘Nobody Moves… ’, but obviously ‘After Hours’ has been seen 1.4 million times on YouTube, which in quick maths gives me a figure that’s the same number as the Latino LGBT population of the United States. Coincedence? Not even remotely.


[Laughs] I think that should conclude the interview really… [laughs] On a serious note though, when you add up all those sales, the dreams and the video plays, can you even comprehend the scale of We Are Scientists? I don’t know if anyone can. Certainly not a person with my mediocre understanding of mathematics, no.


Chris, you’re coming to Norwich next month and we cannot wait to have you back. We will deliver to you the warmest reception you’ve had to date. I will hold you to that, and if it’s not even the second warmest show at the time we play Norwich, we will storm off stage halfway through.


Emma R. Garwood MORE INFORMATION


We Are Scientists play the Waterfront on March 16th. For tickets, go to www.ueaticketbookings.co.uk or call 01603 50 80 50.


Read the uncut interview in all its craziness at Outlineonline.co.uk


outlineonline.co.uk /March 2014/ 17


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