care or are put up for adoption have suffered neglect and have difficulties forming relationships,” says Sarah. “All their senses are switched off and they are


all challenging in their own way. “And the longer they have been neglected, the


more entrenched their behaviour,” she says. “I think I was very naive .” A year after taking on the first three children,


the adoption service came back to Sarah and asked if she would take the other two siblings. She was hesitant because she had gone through


a steep learning curve with the younger three but her husband was keen and persuaded her that they could cope. However, a year after taking on the older two


who were then 8 and 6, he admitted he couldn’t cope after all and gave her the ultimatum ‘them or me.’ “I am not sure where he thought I was going to


send these children back to,” says Sarah. “But it definitely wasn’t an option.” So she found herself a single mum of five


children all with challenging, different needs. But there are no rose-coloured spectacles in


Sarah’s world. “It was hard to keep going sometimes,” she


says. “There were many days when I just didn’t


know how I was going to get through the day.” The children craved routine, continuity and


possession of their own things when Sarah adopted them. “Every mealtime had to be at the same time.


Everyone sat in the same place and had their own cups, cutlery and plates and if anything changed they would become very distressed. “It wasn’t the way I would have chosen to


parent but it was the only way,” says Sarah. “It was quite rigid and I had to be strict.” Sarah says she learned from her children how


to re-parent traumatised children. Today she is the Managing Director of


Fostering Together - a specialist fostering agency which has just received an Outstanding grading from Ofsted.


“When the children were younger I had to fight


for absolutely everything. There was so little support or specialist help available,” she says. At Fostering Together she has introduced a new


way of working with children who have suffered trauma and those with profound disabilities. “There is not really any other agency doing the


specialist work we do,” she says. “The ethos is to work in partnership with foster


carers, sharing the fostering tasks and supporting the social workers in their relationships with the families.” She has not only turned around the finances of


the organisations she has worked for, she previously worked for Family Link which has now been incorporated into Fostering Together, but she is also considered a pioneer in the industry for her methods in dealing with traumatised children. “In the past the focus has always been on the


child and obviously that’s important too,” says Sarah. “But often parents can be made to feel like


failures if they are finding it hard to cope. “It is just as important to nurture the parents


and give them the confidence to keep going so that kids don’t get pushed around from one home to another because parents have given up in frustration.” “But there is still a long, long way to go,” says


Sarah. “In the early days there was a dearth of


knowledge for dealing with children with problems. “It’s still not perfect but we are making progress


and we have come a long way.” In a recently published report on Fostering


Together it was stated: “Stakeholders confirm that the agency is extremely well respected and regarded. An external manager said: “Our children have made exceptional and highly unexpected


progress and if all services operated like this one there would be a lot less unplanned endings.” In 2007 Sarah re-married and describes her husband Ray as her ‘reward.’


“Not only did I not have the time


to meet someone else but I couldn’t see anyone taking me on with my brood,” she laughs. “But Ray did. He slotted straight


into the family, took on the role of dad and the children adore him. The family now ranged in age


from 16 to 22. The eldest, Rosie works with


Sarah at Fostering Together. “She provides us all with very


useful perspectives and insights,” says Sarah. Although the physical demands of


coping with young children have lessened they have been replaced by other, emotional needs. Sarah has had the teenage years


to contend with, five times over, not the easiest time for any parent and those problems are compounded when children have additional problems. But there have been plenty of


good times too over the years. ‘There have been some extremely


rewarding times,” she says. One of her favourite memories is


taking all five children ski-ing. “I wanted them to stand on top of


a mountain and know they had to get to the bottom was by using their own resources and skills. “I was ski-ing at the front and I


looked behind and saw them all following me in perfect formation,” she says. “That was pretty amazing.” And she says: “Just recently we


were all having a meal out together and it was lovely. “Everyone was getting along and


behaving beautifully. “As we walked out of the


restaurant I turned to Ray and said ‘I think we have cracked it.’ ” One of Sarah’s daughters has just


given birth and is loving being a first-time mum. “I was with her when she gave


birth and it was lovely to welcome this child into the world who won’t have the early attachment problems that her mother had to cope with,” says Sarah. And she adds: “Finally the cycle


has been broken. And that’s what this work is all about.”


Fostering Together is running a


special one day seminar at Hawkwood College on Tuesday, June, 17, to share its successful therapeutic model with Adopters, Foster Carers, Social Workers and other professionals. Telephone 0330 122 2062 for further details.


Sarah and Ray with some of the adopted children and the newest addition to the family


Inspiring life in the Cotswolds 31


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