HEALTH & WELLBEING Extraordinary
The joy of watching children and adults grow into a family is a privilege for those who work in the adoption field. It is very hard to capture the essence of hope, love and joy in words. Adoptive families give an insight into those emotions:
Families
“We fell in love with our children the first time we saw their picture in Be My Parent. People told us it would not always be easy to parent adopted children, but they could never have found the words to describe the utter joy that parenting has brought us.”
“Being adopted has given me chances and choices in life that my birth family could never have given me.”
I
joined the RAF thirty years ago as a Long Range Radar Technician but am now specialising in Information Communications/
Technology. I am 48 years old and Eileen my wife, a nursery nurse is 50.
We were married while I was at RAF Cosford and we started trying for a family straight away and were overjoyed when Eileen became pregnant in 2003, unfortunately Eileen miscarried more than once. It was devastating for both of us.
We kept trying for a family but nothing happened and eventually took the decision to look into adoption through an Oxfordshire based adoption organisation. Unfortunately as soon as they found out we were in the military they said they couldn’t help because it wasn’t considered a stable enough environment and suggested SSAFA as a possible way ahead for us. I was surprised at this as I hadn’t realised SSAFA had an Adoption Team.
We contacted SSAFA and they carried out an initial interview but said they believed we hadn’t fully come to terms with what had happened and suggested we went for counselling. On reflection, even though we had spoken openly about how we felt to each other we did go for counselling and found it a tremendous help.
We weren’t in a position to look seriously at Adoption again until 2009 when we were at NATO HQ Ramstein. It was Veronica Barrett who spoke to us initially. It went well and we went to
30 Envoy Winter 2012
“Now I’m adopted, I have a forever family and I know I am loved and wanted.”
“We are revisiting childhood again, this time with our children and it is wonderful.”
“I love my new family and I’m glad my brother is here too. Sometimes we fight, but it wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t here.”
the Union Jack Club in London for training. We were then invited to start the formal assessment process with Phyll Green as our social worker. It was now Oct 09.
We met Phyll at a number of locations in the UK and she also flew to Ramstein. When in Jul 10 our case went before the panel, they weren’t happy and asked for it to be resubmitted. This time we were successful and started searching for a match identifying James aged 7 and Tim aged 6 who were under the care of Oxfordshire social services. We were successfully matched with them in Jul 11 and introduced to the boys at the start of August and very shortly after this they came to live with us.
James and Tim have been with us a year now and the adoption order was granted on 14 Sep 12. James said, “Dad that is great, no one can take us away again”. James loves any sport and goes to football, judo, plays golf and is just starting to try his hand at basketball. Tim loves playing with his Lego and anything to do with Star Wars.
Life has been an emotional rollercoaster and both boys have issues which we have been working with. This is no surprise considering their background of neglect and domestic violence. The boys had no confidence whatsoever when they arrived and we were delighted when a recent therapeutic assessment said both had made tremendous progress.
“We think our children are diamonds in disguise. They add sparkle and joy to our world.”
“I really love my new mum and dad. They keep me safe, not like before when I wasn’t adopted.”
“I have my new family, new friends and my own room; everything really, like a whole new world.”
Support from Oxfordshire Social Services was initially as good as it might have been but through the relentless efforts of SSAFA it has picked up. The head of Oxfordshire Therapeutic Services admiringly saying, “SSAFA don’t take any prisoners do they?!”
Through the hard times SSAFA have always been there for us, notably our Social Worker Veronica Barrett who has become a close family friend and drops everything to help, even when she is on holiday in Dublin. I once kept her talking for an hour when she was in a restaurant with her family. She has also been there for us when we have been at our wits end, boys trashing bedrooms, not doing as they were told and threatening to harm themselves – SSAFA has never let us down. We have made mistakes, as anyone would, but we are learning and seeing the boys thriving has made it all so worthwhile.
Local Authorities are recognising more and more that military families are not war-mongers and actually make very good adopters because they are resilient people and cope more easily with change.
Three families who have fulfilled their wish of becoming adoptive parents through SSAFA Forces Help share some of their thoughts:
Alison and Jock were stationed in Hohne when they decided to adopt, so SSAFA Forces Help was the only adoption agency that was able to help. The couple formally adopted Laura and Jonathan in 2006.
www.raf-ff.org.uk John Sinclair
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