Over the past year, kind supporters have donated a large selection of Christmas Cheese to TASS*: not the edible kind, but the audible kind. Terry Hyde sorts the Mild Cheddar from the Stinking Bishop.
Christmas Cheese by Terry Hyde
AT this time of year, different sorts of music become prominent in the broadcast media and the music charts. In pop music, there has been something of a tradition of established artists releasing Christmas singles or even whole albums and TASS has many of these in stock at the moment. However, this tradition has been undermined in recent years due to the mystifying success of various TV 'talent' shows. The winner has their 15 minutes of fame, including the release of a CD single or album just at the right moment to become a huge hit or even the Christmas No. 1. Three months later, charity shops and car-boots are full of these CDs and the winner has returned to their old job. There, instead of having to memorise other people's lyrics, all they have to memorise is just five words: 'You want fries with that?'
At the moment on 7" vinyl single, we have some of the usual suspects from the last three decades: Slade, Shakey, Wizzard, Cliff, John & Yoko, Jona Lewie and Band Aid (also on 12"); but more unusually we also have from the mid 70s: a rare Jethro Tull EP and Wounded John Scott Cree's rendition of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (both in picture sleeves). Now, astonishingly, 20 years old, we have on CD single: Maddy Prior & The Carnival Band I saw three ships (The Dance Doctors Christmas Re- Mix).
As for the albums, we have a huge pile of these from here to...well... Christmas. Some of these releases do not exactly
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represent the artist's finest hour; indeed many of them sound as if the selection and recording of the tracks must have taken.... at least a whole afternoon. On CD or LP we have Christmas albums by Andy Williams, Aled Jones, Julie Andrews, Barbra Streisand, Anne Murray, Slim Whitman, Kiri Te Kanawa, James Last, Nana Mouskouri, Ray Conniff, The Carpenters, Sting, The Wombles and Elvis (those last two not together of course - that would be a collector's item!).
One can also stylise one's Christmas music; for example, we have CD Christmas albums in the following styles: Tudor, Pan Pipe, Cockney, Tijuana, Hawaiian and even Motown: Berry Gordy must be turning in his grave! (Actually, he's not dead yet. Ed.)
"So this is Christmas, and what have you done?"
Also popular at this time of year is music that does not specifically reference Christmas, but which
has nevertheless become irrevocably associated with it; for example, the Christmas No. 1 in 1969: Two Little Boys by Rolf Harris, and Aled Jones (1985): Walking in the air (both on vinyl). We also have sheet music for the latter. Also in this vein we have festive party music that doesn't get played at any other time, eg Jive Bunny (vinyl singles in pictures sleeves) and the spookily soundalike Stars on 45 by Star Sound (vinyl single and LP of 61 segued dance tracks). The ultimate ripe gorgonzola of party singles is of course Agadoo by Black Lace (vinyl single from 1984 in picture sleeve with dance move illustrations on the back!) After a couple of glasses of vino collapso, even the coolest of dudes cannot resist getting up to bop to this track, albeit, 'ironically'!
Many may prefer to hear the sound of fingernails scraping down a blackboard rather than
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