SWITZERLAND continued from page 55


seem to require) and into new country that we had never seen before (a bonus!). The Kerr road is an extension of the


winding, hilly drive past farms, barns and fields of Route 1, but with the panache of being a road less traveled. At Millers Corners (look for the


rafting signs) we turned right onto the Grants Settlement Road to follow the river up to Route 49 and La Passe. We motored over to Westmeath through rolling, big-sky country after enjoying the rollercoaster ride up the river side. We also got to marvel at a fallen-down house that defies gravity and refuses to lie down. In Westmeath we stopped at


Kenny’s Store for more coffee and a chat with the friendly ladies there. Ya gotta love a country store where you can get gas, beer, liquor, meat, a deer license and coffee. Later we breezed through the “The


Emporium”, home of the White Water Premium Candle Company (soybean candles made on site) located in the old church. On their advice we toured past the 1906 school (that is still in use) and down to Beachburg on Route 21. After passing Lovers Lane (I always


wondered where that was) we stopped to admire the spectacular view from the Scenic Look-Out (the view says it all). The look-out park had been donated by the local Wright family in honour of


ONE MINUTE MOORE continued from page 64


Later, after football, came wrestling. Glenn was


making a name for himself on the circuit until he blew out a knee. He was finished. And he went from battling The Rock to rock bottom. In 2000, both drunk and high, and sick and tired of being sick and tired, he took his black Lab retriever, Rocco, to a park near Petrie Island and put the barrel of a shotgun into his mouth. But he thought about Rocco, didn’t want to leave him


there alone; he might get lost. So he pointed the gun at the dog instead. Looked him in the eyes. Couldn’t do that either. Big Glenn Kulka, a broken man, went home and told


64 BOUNDER MAGAZINE


their dad and, as a memorial, it is world class. In Beachburg, we meandered around


and found a country store called Simple Things − so, being one myself, we wandered in to look around. Mike explained his philosophy of supplying an old-fashioned shopping experience with what I would call lots of unique “stuff”. While agreeing that this would


be a great place to bring our brides, we were devastated to learn that they had no butter tarts that day. Luckily for us, electronic resuscitation was not required when they served us spectacular pumpkin bread and great coffee. As usual, time was getting short, so


we decided to continue down Route 21 to 7, past many interesting looking side roads towards Cobden. Much to my unhappiness, we agreed that it was too late to head north and reluctantly we headed south down the Trans Canada to the Renfrew (aka the Frew) and home. Renfrew County has so much to


offer and loads more roads to explore. We saw lots of great countryside, met some wonderful people and had some fantastic food. We’re looking forward to another romp through the sights and sounds of this great piece of the Ottawa Valley.


NOTE: Check out the maps and what’s on in Renfrew County on the Ottawa Valley Tourist Association website: www.ottawavalley.travel


his girlfriend he needed help. I see Glenn every now and then as he leaves Sculpt


Conditioning in Stittsville, where he’s a personal trainer. I also see the girlfriend who is now his wife. They have two kids. A picture of the kids is taped on Glenn’s steering wheel. The words “Only God Can Judge Me” are tattooed on his right forearm. That big tough guy jogging onto the field at Lansdowne


− the Kulkster – well, he was a football player back then and a damn good one. But he has a much bigger role in life now, as husband and father...and role model, not just for young athletes, but for anyone looking to turn their life around, the way Glenn Kulka did − and in the process became such an incredible inspiration. The Kulkster has been sober for 12 years.


www.bounder.ca


STACCATOS continued from page 21


classic “Half Past Midnight” in 67. They played for the Queen at Lansdowne Park for the Centennial, and were anointed “Canada’s Top Band” by RPM magazine. But the big break came when Coca-Cola used the


Staccatos on a promotional album with the Guess Who called “A Wild Pair”. That record, mixed by the legendary Phil Ramone,


sold an unheard of 85,000 copies in Canada, and prompted Capitol U.S. to bring the Staccatos to L.A. to go for the big time. It was a case of immediate culture shock. Seeing


what was happening on the explosive West Coast scene with new bands like The Doors and the Jefferson Airplane, Vern and Les decided the name “Staccatos” just wasn’t hip enough for the times. It was Brian who suggested they use a song title


from their second album as their new moniker. The Staccatos were now The Five Man Electrical Band. With a new label, and a new album called “Good-


byes and Butterflies”, the Five Man Electrical Band found the brief fame and fortune that had eluded the Staccatos. Their hit single “Signs” sold more than two million copies, and cracked the top five in America. The follow-up, “Absolutely Right”, also made the charts, as did “Werewolf” and “I’m A Stanger Here”. The next two years were a non-stop merry-go-round of tours, sessions, writing, bus trips, highs and lows and the usual pitfalls of rock and roll life. By 1973 it was over. The Five Man Electrical Band was done. Les made a dent on the charts with a solo single


called “Cry Your Eyes Out” in 1973, but the royalties from “Signs”, and the subsequent covers from Tesla and Fat Boy Slim meant the cheques would keep rolling in without the pressures of touring and flogging new material to indifferent record companies. Eventually the guys drifted back to Ottawa,


regrouping from time to time for benefit shows and short tours. But the climb to the top had taken its toll. The plateau had been reached and was now fading into the scrapbooks. Still, it was the kind of Rock and Roll story a young


musician from Ottawa could only dream about...maybe on a warm summer night at the drive in.


Recommended listening: 2009 First Sparks: The Anthology (1965-1969) (Mouse Hole/Pacemaker/EMI) PACE-076 1995 Absolutely Right - The Best Of The Five Man Electrical Band (Universal) 3145233312


www.bounder.ca


inspiration behind the song


“Signs”: The Five Man Electrical Band’s single hit


“Signs”, sold more than two million copies. Its composer, Les Emmerson, was inspired during the band’s non-stop drives from Ottawa to Los Angeles. “Driving through New Mexico and


Arizona is like a western movie,” he says. “It’s magnificent scenery.” But something was bugging him about it. “It was all getting covered up by tourist


signs and people spray painting things on the sides of these ancient mesas,” he says. “And I thought this was such a shame.” He says that’s where he got the idea for the


song’s chorus. “Then I started thinking about the negative


things signs are always telling you, to do something or you can’t do something. So I made the last verse positive.” He was thinking about his religious


grandmother when he wrote that verse about the church – where, he says, you’re always welcome despite what you look like. “Our producer, Dallas Smith, gave it to


Bobby Vee to show the record company this could be a hit,” he says, “and when he started getting a bit of airplay, we put it out as our new single.” And the rest is history. The latest figures


say “Signs” has been played on the radio about 1 1/4 million times.


BOUNDER MAGAZINE 65


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35