AUGUST 2012


Man Cave By Dominic Valentine


Knowing When She Done She does not care that you


have walked out the door in dirty white sneakers or that you even call them sneakers. The litany of mild grooming suggestions has stopped: It’s time for a haircut. You need new t-shirts. It’s cologne not body lo- tion. All gone. The post-it mis- sives have ceased too. Call your mother. Take out the garbage. You are you. She is quiet. It’s over. Erratic, irrational, and irate


do not always mean I love you. But never seeing those triplets


definitely means, I am indifferent about you. And, to her, indiffer- ence is moving on. It is hard for men to recognize indifference. It is like the eye of a hurricane. In fact, hurricanes are a perfect analogy for relationships. At first there is anticipation.


There is a little danger, excite- ment. You want to experience it; you just don’t want it to kill you. You give a little thought to its arrival. How you might act. What you might wear—like when you are dating. Then the


storm hits and it may or may not be what you thought it was going to be, but it does take over your life. Whilst in the storm of the relationship you do what you need to stay alive. Then comes the eye of the hurricane. It’s blissfully peace- ful. All of a sudden she doesn’t care about anything you do. There’s no criticism: boys’ nights out with no curfews, no over the shoulder facebook glances, no cell phones checks, no interrogations after conver-


sations with other women. Fi- nally, you say to yourself, “she gets me.” The illusion is on. You eas-


ily mistake this groove for the imaginary one that has existed in the suffering, hopefulness center of your brain. Your syn- apses are rolling in dopamine. It is a slurry of ridiculousness. You feel in control: another sign she is over you. This is the eye.


The eye is so deceiving. A false “all clear” shout. To the


senses it is a great day, but looming in the near future is your next now—the now where you come to realize she is done with you. It can be a quick snap into reality or a long drawn out spectacle. It will come. The worst time for the break


is New Year’s. You will declare some silly resolution to be bet- ter at beer pong or something as profoundly un-profound. Hers will be something like, “This is the year that I better myself, gain confidence through insane


22


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