DECEMBER 2011 Man Cave Christmas Rules By Dominic Valentine It is Christmas time again


and the return of the holiday gift battle of the sexes is on. If you are a man you have experi- enced the “I can’t believe this is what you bought me for Christ- mas” sigh. It occurs seconds after she rips open your store wrapped purchase to find a gift as thoughtless and insensitive as last year’s. If you do not want your female companion to think the best gift she can receive for Christmas is a new man, here are a few guidelines to adhere to this year. Rule number one: you have to


buy something that shows you have been paying attention. If your lady likes Led Zeppelin buy the How the West was Won box set or tickets to a Plant show. There was that weekend in Cape Cod visiting your annoying auntie where you had the argument in the guest room, where the two of you had to whisper angrily so as not to be heard, “I have to get out of this house, there’s plastic on the furniture for God’s sake. Just once I wish we could go somewhere just the two of us!” This calls for the right Christmas gift. A weekend getaway to a destination near her favorite restaurant, place to visit, or place to shop that is at least 100 miles from a golf course so she will not be suspicious and you will not be tempted. Be sure to include a hand written note, “For all those times you had to peel your unclad thighs off aun- tie’s plastic covered couch, a trip just us, just for you.” Rule number two: buy from


the heart. Put thought and care into the decision. Some people are great under pressure but Christmas Eve shopping is the surest way to the disappointing Christmas day fake smile that says “he better have the receipt.” Chances are you will overspend on the Xmas eve spree because you have under “thunk” which means you are sunk. Write down three things you would love to have for Christ-


mas, then ask yourself if those things are remotely something she would like. If you are lucky, maybe one will be. Buy that one for sure. Just maybe she has the same hankering for Fondue as you. Win-win. If they aren’t in the ballpark then buy something for her completely opposite and it will show her that you are willing to try new things with her. For example, if NFL playoff tickets are on your list then buy a pair of balcony seats to the op- era or to a chick flick. Rule number three. This is


the most difficult rule to follow because this rule concerns situ- ations cloaked in complete sub- terfuge. Undoubtedly, she will say one of two things. Firstly, she will say it doesn’t matter what you get me for Christmas. Sound familiar? Sound a little like, “Do I look fat in this elf suit?” Well you are right it is a trap. Everyone cares about what they get for Christmas. The second instance will only


appear with married couples. It goes like this, “Let’s not get each other anything this year, save some money and only buy for the kids.” Sounds rational, logical and practical, right? Now ask yourself, would I describe the love of my life as rational, logical and practical? Heck no! I guarantee she will buy you something thoughtful and per- fect. You will look like the idiot you obviously are, giftless and adrift for the next 365 days. Dudes do not be the disinter-


ested dud. Deliver warm smiles, aim to light up faces, give the unexpected, seize the surprise, light a fire, try some chestnuts together and like the song says “treat her like a lady.” Do not buy a Hallmark, be a Hallmark.


Five Things not to buy her for Christmas A vacuum cleaner. It will re-


mind her how little you actually do around the house and it is ra- tional, practical and logical.


Anything too small because


she will think you think she is too big. Anything too big because she


will think you think she is too big.


Any exercise equipment pur-


chased from an infomercial es- pecially those involving high impact on lower extremities. The same thing you bought


her last year.


Five things to buy her for Christmas: A keepsake. Something of


quality that adds a thoughtful remembrance to your relation- ship or marks something special between the two of you- i.e. a picture frame from the antique shop you visited together on your last vacation with a picture of the two of you together from that trip. Something of label. We all


have a weak spot for the finer things in life. She will have a favorite designer. Whether it is a tie-dye or the Louis Vitton handbag a little spoilage once a year is hardly decadent. A gym membership for two.


Nurture a healthy relationship with a commitment to better health for both of you. At best it says let’s spend more time to- gether and at worst it says here’s a place you can go to work off your frustration with me. Plus, a little looking hot never hurts a relationship. A vacuum cleaner- if yours


is held together with duct tape and she swears at it constantly, buy her the best so she believes you value her time and effort to keep your place tidy and stink bug free. Added bonus, use it once and awhile too. Something that she has to


open with no one else in the room preferably late at night in front of a glowing fire with a li- bation in hand. Use your imagi- nation here.


28


DAVID E. DARNELL, CPA WESLEY L. MILLER


Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-4pm and by appointment


304-725-5712 59 RULAND ROAD, SUITE F


KEARNEYSVILLE, WV 25430


conveniently located off of Route 9, behind the Jefferson County DMV


Personal and Business Tax Preparation including Multi-State Returns and Tax Planning


Accounting, Bookkeeping, and Payroll Services


On Site Controller/CFO (hourly or contract)


Quickbooks Installation and Training


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32