The Amateur Parker Oh, Bollards! By Melissa Bean Sterzick
I don’t often give much thought to bollards and vehicle barriers, but lately they seem to be popping up every-
where I go. I am most likely to be aware of these bumper sharks when I’mtrying not to impalemy car on one. But this lastweek, I had two opportunities to ponder the devices and their necessity. And with the holidays upon us, I amsure I will havemanymore specialmoments in parking – somemore special than others, and some just plain aggravating. My local Trader Joe’s grocery store has installed several bol-
lards at its entrance. They come up tomymiddle and are covered in squishy red foam. This Trader Joe’s is a high-volume store with a tiny and con-
gested parking lot. Three parking spots aim right into the main entrancewith ameasly 6 or 7 feet of walkway between. Negotiating this area with groceries and kids has always been a challenge. There’s not a lot of roomfor pedestrians. I think the posts are bulky and
undiagnosed blindness, and others mistake the gas for the brake pedal. I once crashed a moped, so I know exactly how easy it is to
hit the gas instead of the brake in a terrifyingmoment of insanity. Luckily, I didn’t run into a beauty parlor or grocery store. No, I laid that hot rod down on my leg, and my pride, and suffered severe road rash to both. Whenever I see those headlines, I remember that bumper
sticker from the ‘80s. No, not the one that said, “You’re ugly and your momma dresses you funny.” I loved that one. The one I’m talking about said, “If you don’t likemy driving, stay off the side- walk.” It’s such a hilariously defiant and stupidly dangerous statement – the irony getsme every time. I pondered the cashier’s state-
cause an already crowded area to feel even tighter, but they do make absolute sense. I gave one a few kicks to see if itwas the bendy kind, much to the delight ofmy children, andwent aboutmy business. Afewdays later, Imade a run to the hardware store for some
gardening
supplies.As I rolledmy shopping cart inside, I passed an 8-foot-wide area of destruction that included an uprooted handicapped parking sign post, a crushed retaining wall, and several ragged and half-dead dwarf date palms (say that five times fast). The rectangular blue handicapped sign itself was bent and
chipped, the wall of the building was scratched and dented, and bits of debris were everywhere. Someone had run his or her car through the sign, up onto the sidewalk and right into the side of the building. There were no bollards or barriers in front of that business, just a curb. The plot thickened. As I paid for my cabbage plants and
mulch at the register, I sated my curiosity with small talk about the damage outside. “I guess somebody ran into your building,” I said to the
cashier. “Yes, and it’s the second time in that same spot. It happened
a few months ago and we had it all fixed, and now they’ve done it again. I don’t knowwhat they’re thinking.” “Doesn’t thatmake you nervous?” I asked. “Naw, that wall’s pretty thick.” Once a month, I come across a headline about some errant
driver making his or her way off the road and directly into a home or business. Some are drunk, some suffer temporary and
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“I’ve got a low deductible. I’d like to see what it feels like to ram my car into a cinderblock wall.”
ment: “I don’t know what they’re thinking.” I doubt the hardware- store crashers were thinking: “I’ve got a low deductible. I’d like to see what it feels like to rammy car into a cinderblock wall.” This time of year they could possibly be think- ing, “I’d rather take a nap while driving than go into another crowded store.”
Probably, theyweren’t thinking at all; that’swhy theymissed
several reliable indications that it was time to stop: curb, side- walk, shrubbery. Thankfully, no one insidewas hurt in either inci- dent, and as far as I know, itwas a different driver each time. I don’t exactly like the look of bollards and barriers, or their
potential to destroymy bumper if I’mnot careful in reverse, but I understand their importance. Anything to keep vehicles out of shops and businesses is a good idea, no argument there. (I’d like to install a few bollards around my children, but I doubt they’d like that.) NowI knowI’msafe at Trader Joe’s, and I’malways grateful
to have one less thing to worry about. However, I’m obviously not safe at the hardware store.
Melissa Bean Sterzick is an Amateur Parker and PT’s proofreader. She can be reached at
Melissa@parkingtoday.com.
PT
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