She Said He Said O
written by: Brooke Herron
kay, guys, I have a confession – and sorry, ladies, I’m taking you all down with me – when women like a guy, we are in fact, not cool. We lose all sense of reason, ignore all red
flags, and overlook all of the rules. And we do so knowingly. Some of us, including myself, have trained ourselves to hold back, lest you find out how insane we truly are. However, there are women who lay it all out right away. I believe you call them “stalkers.” Well, men … we’ve all got it in us, but some women just hide it better. Outwardly, I’m as cool as a cucumber. But inwardly, I’m like
the fireworks finale on the Fourth of July. I’m about to explode: I like you! I like you! I like you! If you feel a little crowded, that’s normal. My earth now has a new sun to revolve around – and it’s you. Don’t be too afraid, unless I’ve had a few too many cocktails, I’ll never tell. Don’t want to lose my cool attitude. Why do we play these silly games? By the time this issue goes
to print, I will be 30 years old, and the only thing I’ve learned is how to play the game. I’ve had my fair share of long-term relationships, some of which were both upfront and honest from the beginning, but dating is hard. Fun, but hard. And now that the secret of our (my) insanity is out, I can’t wait to see the long line of men waiting to date yours truly! Sigh. Guys, on the other hand, don’t seem to have this problem.
You really are as cool as a cucumber (bad cliché, I know). In fact, you don’t ever seem to let anything about a fledgling relationship ruffle your feathers (I’m the cliché queen!). I mean, how is that even possible? For example: I text you. The message is thought out, witty, and geared to illicit a flirty response. I mean, c’mon! I put a lot of thought into this! You respond with a one word answer. Five hours later. I silently scream and answer your text immediately, with five sentences to overcompensate for your lack of enthusiasm. I’m so ashamed. Shouldn’t you be chasing us? This, of course, applies only
if you do in fact like us – which you do. Duh. I completed a very formal survey with a random sample of my friends (so scientific!), and results show that they agree. They grudgingly admit to being a little, well, over-zealous in the beginning of a relationship. Our conclusive data also showed that the men in question were, well… a little under-zealous. So, here’s what I’m getting at, oh wise He Said: Are men really
that cool when it comes to new relationships? Or are you also as excited as we are and just have a funny way of showing it? Either way, I need answers, so spill!
written by: Kevin McFadden T
wentieth century German existential philosopher Martin Heidegger once said, “We pursue that which retreats from us.” Now, I don’t know whether or not Herr Heidegger was a
big lady magnet in his day, but he was certainly on the right track with this insight into human nature. Of course, if German existential philosophy isn’t your bag,
then you need look no further than the timeless and tragic tale of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. I admit they had other problems aside from her hyper-aggressive attempts to seduce Kermie; she was a bit on the heavy side, they weren’t the same species, and of course, they were made of felt. Nevertheless, the concept is much the same. Miss Piggy could have given herself a fighting chance with the green guy if she had just reined in the crazy a little bit. Ladies, let that be a lesson. From the time we were cavemen,
males have been hunters. As much as we have ostensibly evolved as a species, men still maintain that primal instinct which draws us inexorably to the thrill of the chase (just read the comic strip B.C. - it’s all there). Don’t get me wrong, I empathize completely with your feel-
ings of frustration about having to “play the game” as a part of a nascent relationship. But it’s an unfortunate fact that playing the game is simply a part of life, and it always will be. Whether you’re interviewing for a job, asking a co-worker for a favor, or going out for drinks with a new suitor, like it or not, you are playing the game. And so is the guy that you’re with. Which brings us to the crux of the matter: Are guys really
that much cooler than the ladies when it comes to dating, or just better at hiding our excitement? The answer is…yes. On the one hand, even the dilettante dater would admit that generally speak- ing, guys are less emotional than women; or at the least, they tend to become emotionally attached less quickly. That is why women are often ready to throw around the L word by the fourth date, whereas a guy will usually delay quite awhile before dropping the love bomb at a more appropriate time – like at his 40th wedding anniversary! On the other hand, you’ve got the question of nurture versus
nature. Men are raised to be stoic, to mask their feelings. Feelings, especially uncomfortable ones like love or pain (perhaps that is a bit redundant!), are often considered signs of weakness. This is why when a guy playing football is hit low by the free safety coming across the middle, causing a compound fracture with a healthy chunk of tibia poking through the skin, his first instinct is to rub some dirt on the exposed bone and get back in the game! For much the same reason, we have been trained to disguise our feelings, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship, if not ignore them altogether. As for receiving a one word text response five hours after
crafting a flirtatious gem of your own, dear She Said, my only ad- vice is to stop dating guys who have an aptitude for witty repar- tee on par with Justin Bobby from The Hills. The next time you’re about to serve up a big piping hot bowl of crazy to your new beau, just remember poor Miss Piggy, take a deep breath, put down that phone, and let him come to you. You never know, perhaps your frog will turn into a prince! Now how’s that for cliché? -
Pulse Magazine SWFL | 59
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