Straight Talk About Special Needs with Mecca Robbins
Q A
Any ideas on getting my child to obey me? I know she has special needs, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have rules to follow! I’m at the end of my patience and I just can’t seem to find anything that works!
I do believe that all children, regardless of developmental or physical need, can learn to mind and respect their parents. As a former leadership trainer, I used to tell managers that they can motivate
employees with the big stick or the carrot. It’s the same for kids – there are either negative consequences or positive reinforcement. I have found that in getting kids to mind, the carrot (positive reinforcement) is the best way to start. Another word for that is bribery! You probably chuckled, but for my child with special needs, it works the best. Currently, she’s working on a week with no fits, and as a result, she’ll get a pedicure (she’s 13.) If I even sense a hint of a fit coming on, I just say “PEDICURE!” and she instantly calms down. There are a lot of things you can do for positive rewards… taking a child to the store and pointing out what they will get, or even buying it but leaving it in the package and setting it up out of reach (say on the mantle of the fire place.) A game like Mother May I works well too – play the game, practice the obedience, and give big hugs and high fives when they obey. The good thing is that after a month of obedience with rewards, they typically will continue to mind without needing a reward. If they ask for one, set the goal higher, such as brushing their teeth without being
28 North Texas Kids • July 2011 •
www.NorthTexasKids.com
reminded or making their bed in the morning. Before long you have well behaved children and you only have to praise them and not bribe them for their obedience. Two quick reminders: Consistency is key – make sure you’re following through immediately on the prize, as well as heaping on lots of praise when your child does the right thing, and model respect and obedience in the home. If your child asks you nicely for something (say a drink or a snack) then respond immediately to the request. If you are brushing off your child’s requests, they may be brushing off yours, because it’s a norm in the household. We have to be the adults we want our children to become… it takes work but it’s worth it!
Q
This is a different kind of question, because it’s not about my child. My friend’s child has terrible speech! She is 4 years old and can hardly be understood. I want to say something
to her so that she can get her child to a professional, but I don’t want to be rude and I certainly don’t want to hurt her feelings!
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