Ask Amy
Amy Egan is a Parenting Consultant and trained Love and Logic Parenting course facilitator. She and her husband are parents to their teenage son and 11 year old daughter. They live in Allen, TX. If you have a question about teens or tweens for Amy, please email her at
askamy@northtexaskids.com.
Boredom And The Between Years
from school. We know that without the structure of school in our kids’ lives, we are sure to end up with bored children. And bored children often lead to more sibling rivalry, complaining and a feeling of too much togetherness. Several years ago, I did some soul searching around my summer break feelings. When I got totally honest with myself, I found the root of my issue. I dreaded summer because I felt my kids’ boredom was a problem….something to be solved. And I saw myself as the Chief Solver. I relived past episodes of bored kids underfoot and zeroed in on my feelings. Ugh. I had the weight of their world on my shoulders and I needed to make these kids happy and no matter what ideas I came up with, they were still not happy. At the time of this particular soul search, I had recently learned and practiced some Love and Logic parenting. It became glaringly obvious to me that I was making a huge parenting mistake by taking on my kids’ boredom as my own issue. I realized that boredom is actually good and healthy for kids. It is when people are bored that they have the most opportunity to become introspective, take time to reflect, smell the roses and use their imaginations. It is when the part of the brain that creates, is
M
any of us, as parents, dread summer vacation
stimulated. We may be very tempted to fill
our kids’ time with anything we can to avoid hearing, “I’m sooooo bored!” We sign them up (and pay for) too many camps, let them have way too much screen time and take them out for a few too many trips to get ice cream. Even though we know we are not handling the situation well, we do these things because we don’t know how else to deal with their boredom. I know because I lived those feelings. However,there is a better way, and I will share it with you.
The year of my soul search, I made a plan before school was out. And I stuck with. It worked beautifully. Not instantaneously. But it did work! When one of my kids complained they were bored, rather than come up with suggestions for them, I responded with, “That’s a bummer. What do you think your options are?” Naturally, that response was met with grumbling and pleas for help. So next I responded with, “Well, I have a couple of ideas. But you rarely like my ideas. I will give them to you and if you don’t like them, looks like I am unable to help you.” So, of course, I gave my ideas of reading a book, listening to music or helping with some housework. When none of my ideas ignited the fire, I peacefully and without any guilt, responded with, “I am sorry to say I
24 North Texas Kids • July 2011 •
www.NorthTexasKids.com
am out of ideas. Good luck coming up with something better.”
I am not going to tell you that there was no whining after this….. there was. But when I did not get hooked in and continued on about my own business, never showing frustration or anger, they eventually got tired of trying to get me to solve their problem. And over time, practicing this method got them to realize that I would give two or three suggestions and then I was done…. they were on their own. And over time I saw my kids pull out old things from the garage or closet to play with, call people they may not have reached out to, and yes, even read books. And then we come to a time in
our kids’ lives where they no longer play with toys or have arranged play dates. A time when they are too old for legos and Barbies (except, maybe when no one is watching!) but too young for a summer job. When this time arrived in my life, I felt a new wave of worry over boredom. I felt myself begin to take on the job of solver again. I remembered how an older friend of mine had sent her tweenage daughter off to an expensive 7 week camp each summer because “there is nothing for kids this age to do all summer” and I panicked. But not for long. I pulled myself together and revisited my old method. And then I let my kids figure out what
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