RESOURCES horoscopesby vera divine
SCORPIO
October 24 – November 22 Lady Autumnus is more than just a transition from sequined Speedos to stringy scarves. She’s also a vindictive, spiteful cow who will put you out of commission if you dare to enjoy her evening chill without a coat. So as I write to my radiant read- ers from a bathrobe and bunny slippers, I’m inspired by rest and the warm hope of recovery. Silent and deadly, you’ve got a predator’s patience, a thief’s cunning and best of all, you know how to use that tail of yours to your benefit! You’ve certainly got the tools to make life work for you, but once in a while you need some time off from your status as a badass. You don’t have to be level-headed ALL the time. There’s a neurotic little goofball inside you somewhere just dying to jump out and indulge every weird whim you’ve ever had.
SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22 I always said one day you’d be sorry. Not for that
hairdo, but for being so cocky! Whatever bet you lost or treasure you’ve scared away by being such a showoff, now’s the time to change. During this month of grati- tude, try a pinch of humility with every plate of sass that you serve…And maybe think about fixing the hair too.
CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 Let me guess, you don’t want a commitment? That’s
completely fine! This month will be your get-out-of- obligation-free card. I understand how hard it is to predict things will pan out down the road. For now, most of your loyalties actually CAN be placed lightly! I know! It’s a capri- cious Capricorn’s dream! But don’t make it a habit beyond this next month! Even local royalty like you has to engage in social bondage some time!
AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19 When does a style become a parody? I mean, at one
point curtain moustaches, feathered Stetsons, two-tone leather jackets and 1984 Firebirds were as chic as teen celebs in jail! Alas, times inevitably change. This is not the area of your life where you should be holding on. Let go of the old and welcome in the new. And I’m not just talking about your wardrobe. Though, for a decade that is now only alive at theme parties, it’s safe to say the ‘80s are over.
PISCES February 20 – March 20 Ever wonder whether or not you’re on the right track?
Don’t you hate it when you have absolutely no way to find out? Well you’re in luck this month, my pesky Pisces. You’re right where you ought to be. Many of the big decisions you’ve made lately were the best ones you’ve made in a long time—and they’re going to pay off big- time. Especially the ones where you DON’T ask, “What’s in it for me!?”
ARIES March 21 – April 20 Geez, okay! We get it! You win. And you rock, I guess. Enough already! I know being better than the other guy is your main thing right now…as always…but come on. You have to start looking for satisfaction at your own private finishing line and not the opposing team’s performance! You can be pretty ruthless—especially when your rival is down for the count. But why? Adding insult to injury only sours the game for the rest of us. This month you’ll find that victory doesn’t have to involve gloating in order to put a smile on your face!
TAURUS April 21 – May 21 Hey there working gurl! Don’t you hate it when judg-
mental outsiders accuse you of letting your work define who you are? As if they really knew what it took to make it in your industry, right? Well maybe it’s time to consider the fact that outsiders make excellent purveyors of objec- tive viewpoints. They may not be aware of what it took to get you where you are, but they can sure pinpoint an imbalance from where they stand. Keep an open mind. A devilishly good career turn could approach you.
GEMINI May 22 – June 21 Think back to when you first attempted to find your individuality. Remember how excited and certain you were that you’d finally be able to express yourself? Well if you took a Polaroid of yourself then and compared it to what you’re doing now, first of all you’d wretch at some of your former wardrobe choices. But eventually you’d be pleasantly surprised at how far you’ve come in forming your originality.
CANCER June 22 – July 23 Look at you! I knew you had it in you—the fire and grit
to become what you wanted. But be careful not to fall into tempting habits, crab cakes. You have the tendency
to be a method-actor—to immerse yourself in a part so deeply that you temporarily lose the real you. Forget what’s expected of you by everyone and reach back to your true self—the one you’re often too embarrassed to own.
LEO July 24 – August 23 Oh lethargic Leo. It’s going to be one of those months. Nothing’s going to be easy and there will be a hint of trouble in the air. Try to ride it out under the radar for a while. If tragedy strikes, just breathe and take punishment with dignity. We are, after all, living on a rock that’s floating through space. But don’t lose all hope. Surprising perks come at the most unexpected and appreciated times.
VIRGO August 24 – September 23 Ah Virgo, a monument to class and chastity. Please, pose
for the cameras while I roll my eyes and gag. Homegirl, you’re still human, and that uppity little swagger needs to be smacked down a notch or two. Remember the days of the starlets of yesteryear. Jayne Mansfield may have had a habit of letting her golden globes slip out of her dress every now and then. But there you were, stealing the spotlight with that judgmental scowl. Yes, I’m talking about you, Sophia Loren! Okay, claws retracted!
LIBRA September 24 – October 23 Oh no, not again. Are you still obsessing about getting older? Stop focusing on your shelf life and concentrate on your limitless marketability! Think about all the things you’ve experienced in this past decade. Accomplishment is your game. Even if you’re not where you once wished you’d be, there’s immeasurable value in the experiences you have endured. The troubles you’ve seen could be exactly the kind of know-how someone at your high school reunion needs!
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RAGE monthly | NOVEMBER 2010
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