by angelica osborne
fruit fly A-LISTS
“They know Katy Perry’s songs, they’ve seen the video of her humping clouds, and they like it. She’s a “California Gurl,” she
ain’t coming in wearing a turtle- neck and a poncho! Besides, your kid sees more than a thousand times more flesh than her at the water park.”
Everyone has heard by now about the video of Katy Perry and Elmo being banned from Sesame Street. If you’ve seen the video you saw the costume, which was more like an ice skating outfit with a mesh lining. That’s not too crazy to see on the streets of NYC, which is where Sesame Street is located. The kids that live there are strapped and rolling joints on the front stairs, they ain’t scared of titties. Why should they be? Boobies have been the source of life for babies since the beginning of time. Didn’t even Elmo, as a baby monster, suckle at his Monster Mommy’s own furry breasts? If you are against boobs then you are essentially denying LIFE... You can’t wean the whole world, ya know. One of the comments from obviously a concerned parent online
said, “Great! Now my kid has an erection from watching Sesame Street!”
Ummm....is that your kid, or you? This guy probably doesn’t even have a kid, but if he does...A) the kid’s penis works, so that’s good and B) It was for Katy Perry, not Tele Monster, so he doesn’t have a puppet fetish. Kid sounds perfectly fine, congratulations. Another said,—“You can practi- cally see her t*ts. That’s some wonderful children’s programming.” The Little Mermaid has more boobage hanging out of her seashell bra than that! Do you try to get Princess Ariel banned from Disneyland for her of- fensive boobage? No. Do you hide your son’s eyes when Cinderella lets your husband motorboat her behind the castle? Probably, but that’s between you and your mate. The point is, the kids
probably didn’t even notice her cleavage because they are listening to the music, watching Elmo or running around in circles in front of the TV, not paying attention anyway. (Except for the one kid with the hard on...) The kids didn’t notice until their Dad came in and went, “WHOA! Look at
those knockers!” and then the child realizes, “OK, those must be a big deal. When I see them again, I now know to flip out over them.” Then of course, the mom swoops in and turns off the TV, but it’s too late, the light bulb in the young man’s mind has an erection and will never be the same again. This is also the same Mom that writes an angry letter to Sesame Street. Sit down, Grandma ‘cuz the kids wanna party! They know Katy Perry’s songs, they’ve seen the video of her humping clouds, and they like it. She’s a “California Gurl,” she ain’t coming in wearing a turtleneck and a poncho! Besides, your kid sees more than a thousand times more flesh than her at the water park.
I remember when my brothers were little and they discovered Barbie’s
boobies. They would rub the paint off of ‘em. My Mama took a black sharp- ie and drew underwear on my Barbies! Barbie was pissed, too, because they were NOT very fashionable. My Mom would also cut the girls out of my brothers’ car magazines. She tried her best to keep her boys away from the influence of breasts, but it didn’t work. In fact, it backfired, because they just became more fixated as many young men that age are, anyways. Really, who I feel bad for is Elmo. You can tell in the video his lil’ fur
crotch was on fire. Elmo likes boobies and being tickled, in that order. He’s about to hit puberty and thought this was going to lead to something more meaningful between the two of them, but just like that terrible music video J-Lo & P.Diddy did together, it was only downhill from there. I truly hope the best for the both of them. I know after that last stint Elmo did in rehab, he’s been through a lot of starlets and with the latest statis- tics on herpes saying one out of four women in NYC carry the virus, now maybe it’s time for him to settle down. Back to where he belongs where..... “Sunny days are sweeping the clouds away, on our way to where the air is sweeeet! But if there’s boobies on the screen, you’ll get an STDeeee, you’ll get an STDeeeee.”
NOVEMBER 2010 | RAGE monthly 31
A No-Tittie Zone Sesame Street: FEEDBACK?
fruitfly@ragemonthly.com or
blog@ragemonthly.com
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