THE WEIRS TIMES, Thursday, September 30, 2010


17


doing, the voice you use, the strength of volume, the pace of your reply when they say, “Nothing,” will bring more connection than answering a text. Likely the first thing to


by Dr. Debi Warner Contributing Writer


Dear Dr. Debi, Our kids are all over the


place with their homework and hardly get it done. We want to help them get in line. I figure a study center will do the trick. What do you think? Signed, Fed Up with Bad Grades


Dear Building A’s, Parents who are inter-


ested in their kids’ studies really do make the biggest boost in children’s school achievement. It can hap- pen many ways. Is the furniture most important? Let’s see. How do parents convey


interest in schoolwork? Do we make the kids produce their homework slips and keep them inside until all of it is done? Do we pour over their work and make sure each answer is fine? Do we practice their quizzes and give rewards for good answers? Maybe some of these, or maybe all? Kids most of all really


need to have a good tone for their schoolwork. How you say and do all of those kinds of things will be more important than any of the specific actions. Are you encouraging their in- terest in the work? Are you caring about their day and how they fared through the first 6 hours before you push on to the next two of the same? The emo- tional tone you set – the way you ask how they are


do after school is to check in to see how they dealt with their day and then plan the distribution of tasks across what time is left available. Before you get to the organization part, let’s consider the first, the check-in. It is good in any job you


do to pause and see where you are. When you build a roof, you stop part way and see if your courses are straight and if you have enough materials and sunlight to finish. The same goes for the kids. They just did 6 hours of school, plus the trans- portation each way. Most times their commute is 30 or more minutes each way, and is often not a smooth experience. They need to regroup after the stress of the travel and experi- ences along the way, let alone the school day itself. Rest is restorative at that point. Rest does not have to be


napping, but can be fresh air, activity, talking, eat- ing, maybe even getting into their pet projects. If you have some chance to string out a undertaking they like, that they can dive into on their own, they may like that refuge after school. It could be making a fort in the back- yard, maybe a clubhouse


in the woodpile, or a water project like re-routing a stream behind the yard. Kids do not get enough


time outside in vigorous play these days. Many health and attention is- sues are part of that story. Getting your kids on track with their emotional rest in active after school hours can be the antidote for plenty of the stresses of their school job. It gets dark early enough,


so back inside and into the structures they come again, but this time on house rules, not school rules. That is where your own knowledge of the kids comes into play. Some kids learn while they do some- thing else. Others need to concentrate fully with no music or any distractions. Try not to put your own


notions on the children, but look carefully at how they really absorb infor- mation. You will back en- gineer this to define their learning style. One child never sits and reads, but can tell you everything said just outside of ear- shot. The next child gets frustrated when people make noise and they are trying to do their spelling words. Another sits in a chair soaking in a book with everyone milling all about them. Each one is transmitting their learning code to you. The busybody may need


to do their work at the kitchen table, with some oversight and check-in goals. If they do not meet


Pat’s This n’ That Cash, Check, Visa & Master Card accepted


the goals on time, they might have a reminder and then have to move to pri- vate space to finish if they dawdle. The noise sensitive one


may need the quiets of a separate room, but will still want to be cared about and visited with encour- agement along the way. Thus one might do well with a study carrel made for them. The train-station kid


may do fine anywhere, but the ease of their condi- tions will make the others jealous. Since they really can study anywhere, you might just have them pick a spot that is less premier in order to stay in line. Any of them can have


rewards for meeting their homework goals – always a good idea. Sometimes


it can be that they get to spend the last ½ hour near someone or something else they favor. They can also have a treat, be read to, have a mock quiz show us- ing their homework, read each other’s material, or play school with you par- ents being the students. Plenty is learned from


your projects from the summer that can continue in teamwork now that school has begun. You can punctuate the day and use the schemes and rules that work for your own people; there is no need to fit a mold. The roof goes on all the same and covers the house in the end.


Happy Home Team! Dr. Debi


Dr. Debi Warner is the Founder of Renovation Psychology®


and


author of Putting the Home Team to Work, available now online. Dr. Debi provides advice for greater domestic harmony to folks who are renovating their home – for True Home Improvement. This column is offered for enjoyment and enhancement and is not intended to replace your personal medical care. Photo by Bob Jenks, St. Johnsbury, Vt. Dr. Debi has a con- sultation practice, visiting home sites all over New England from her studio in Littleton, NH at the Tannery Marketplace. © 2009 Renovation Psychology® Questions are welcome.


Visit www.RenovationPsychology.com


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