Why won’t you be open with me?
Part 2: Options and Opportunities
In Part 1, Performance Consultant and Conference Speaker, Frank Newberry, made the case for more openness in the workplace.
In the second and final part of his article, he looks at the methods people use to avoid being open and honest in the workplace, and how we can tackle this problem in ourselves and in others.
There was a time, within the lifespan of people now reading this article, when we would all bite our lips and accept that some things were not up for discussion in the workplace.
But that was then, and this is now. People are much more socially confident these days and more people are better educated than ever before. Nowadays, people are more open and expect others to be open with them.
So, when people (especially colleagues and bosses) are not open and honest with us, it can lead to a lot of frustration and anxiety. We may even feel that ‘they should know better than to treat me this way’.
Avoiding by promising to speak, but then never actually getting around to it
An increased awareness of how others can, and will, react has caused many people, who fear the consequences of openness, to devise and deploy ever more sophisticated ways of avoiding being open with others. Here’s ten to start you off. Please add any others, which you have experienced yourself that are not listed here.
1. Telling lies, that have some plausibility, to fob people off
2. Telling half-truths, that sound convincing, so that
114 people go away
3. Distracting people with (say) humour or other issues to get them off track
4. Changing the subject or re-prioritising other issues, so that they talk about something else - at least for the time being
5. Delaying the discussion, as in ‘I can’t talk right now - I’ll get back to you’
6. Claiming that they ‘do not know the full picture’ so cannot really comment
7. Quoting precedent, e.g. ‘that’s not the way we do things around here’
8. Avoiding by promising to speak, but then never actually getting around to it
9. Feigning sensitivity - ‘I can’t say anything, I do not want to risk hurt anyone’s feelings - at this stage’
10. Claiming ignorance of a situation, but all the time avoiding finding out, as in ‘Don’t say anything to me - then I will not have to lie to keep people happy’
There is evidence that overwhelmingly supports the view that people want others to be open with them. Openness is seen as being far preferable to being ‘kept in the dark’ about something important.
Betrayal can live in the memory for a lifetime
People, on key matters, like bad news, can get very angry if information is known by others but withheld or not shared immediately. Not sharing difficult information can sometimes be seen as a betrayal, and betrayal can live in the memory for a lifetime.
We need some strategies that will, somehow, get the person - who is not being open with us - to feel more confident, and to believe that being more open is the best option for all concerned. If we, ourselves, are not being open when appropriate, then we need to understand that we may not just be part of the problem, we may actually BE the problem!
First of all, those of us in management positions need to set a good example of openness and honesty in the workplace. If you have ever been guilty of the sins listed in 1-10 above, chances are people have already found out that you can’t deal with the truth, and morale and performance have already started to decline.
Five Key Strategies or Options
Strategies 1, 2 and 3 are mainly preventative, and 4 and 5 are principally remedial in nature. All can be a great opportunity for you, but will need to be done in private, and in strict
confidence. 1. Set up Feedback Contracts
This is a good way to start being more open at work. It is usually done on a one-to- one basis, where two people agree how, and when, feedback at work will be given and received. People decide what news or information should be included, and the process can be undertaken regularly and then reviewed at agreed intervals.
2. Have a Team Discussion
This is very similar to number 1 above and, again, it is a good starting point for more openness. On this occasion, the whole team agree how and when feedback at work will be given and received. People decide what news or information should be included, what should be shared with the team and what should be done one-to- one. Again, the process can be undertaken regularly and then reviewed at agreed intervals.
3. Exchange Perceptions and Expectations
This is probably best done one-to-one, and is very useful when people are not as aware as they should be of the impact that their behaviour has on others. It is very important that this process is not one-sided or dominated by one person. It is
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100 |
Page 101 |
Page 102 |
Page 103 |
Page 104 |
Page 105 |
Page 106 |
Page 107 |
Page 108 |
Page 109 |
Page 110 |
Page 111 |
Page 112 |
Page 113 |
Page 114 |
Page 115 |
Page 116 |
Page 117 |
Page 118 |
Page 119 |
Page 120 |
Page 121 |
Page 122 |
Page 123 |
Page 124 |
Page 125 |
Page 126 |
Page 127 |
Page 128 |
Page 129 |
Page 130 |
Page 131 |
Page 132