Welcome to Ontario
THE RULES OF RURAL ONTARIO ARE AS FOLLOWS
Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn’t crooked.
3.
Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get the hell out of the way.
4.
They are cattle. They’re live steaks. That’s why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? Hwy 7 & 401 goes east and west, Hwy 15 & 416 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re im- pressed. We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Ontario waves. It’s called ‘being friendly’. Try to under- stand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point
buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You bet- ter hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is ap- plied to all women, regardless of age.
11. There’s little for ‘vegetarians’ on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we sit a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
13. You bring ‘coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. Ontario Hockey League and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Maple Leafs and Montreal Habs, and
more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges. The students come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don’t mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain’t music, any- way. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1).
20. TWO inches of snow & ice isn’t a bliz- zard - it’s a vacation. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON’T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain’t Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the next day.
A true Ontarian will send this on!!!
Nepean Kanata Air Cooled Engines
243 Westbrook Road, Ottawa
ph - 613-831-8060
www.bounder.ca BOUNDER MAGAZINE 47
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64