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ONE MINUTE MOORE

RANDALL MOORE

Does anyone know where my friend C.S. went?

If I were on a golf course right now, I’d

probably have a case of the “ yips “. It’s because I’m nervous. I mean, first column in a brand new magazine. You want to make a good impression, no?

So what am I talk to going to talk about?

I agonize. I draw blanks. I ask myself: what’s bugging me these days? What’s driving me crazy? Then it comes to me. Common sense. That’s what I’ll talk about: the DEATH of common sense. Who knows exactly when common sense

passed away? About all we know for sure is that it was a slow, painful death. Think about it. Think back to, say, elementary

school. I got the strap a few times, and I deserved it. Today a teacher so much as LOOKS at a student the wrong way and his or her career could be over. That’s what I mean by the death of common sense. How about a plastic cow? Only in Ottawa

would a plastic cow on a rooftop business be such a big deal. Only in Ottawa would city staff agree to spend 20 grand on an ‘outside’ consultant to figure out what to do with the damn thing.

The death of common sense.

How about a postmistress in an Anglophone

community being told she has to speak French -- or else! Or Alex Cullen running for Mayor? Or Alex Kovalev making five million a year? Or Clifford Olsen receiving a government pension? Or Graham James receiving a pardon? What next? Karla Homolka on welfare?

Nothing makes sense.

How about all that stuff they confiscate at the

airport? Liquids, gels, aerosols. They used to give

62 BOUNDER MAGAZINE www.bounder.ca

to them to the needy organizations, for instance shelters, in Ottawa. Not anymore. Security issues, or so they say. What they won’t say is that it doesn’t “look good” giving to the homeless the same goods that are deemed unsafe for air travellers. So instead they throw all that perfectly good product in the garbage.

Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it?

How about the city telling us to conserve

water and because we have, we are now being told to expect an increase in our water bill. Because… ready for this… we’re not using enough water! Tell you something else that doesn’t make

sense. You hunt, you already have a licence for small game and deer. Now, if you want to hunt turkeys you have to take a turkey hunting course that costs something like $35 and then, after completing the turkey hunting course, you have to buy a turkey tag, which costs you another 30 bucks or so. Common sense. What about kids being

told they can’t play road hockey, yet we whine because they’re getting fat? What about the fact I can’t defend myself against a burglar in my home? The burglar could sue ME for assault. How about our hospitals closing beds and cancelling surgeries while fat-cat administrators are pulling in megabucks? The death of common sense. I miss him

dearly, I really do. I miss him every single day. Oh, by the way. Those “ yips “ I mentioned

off the top? That was just an excuse. Fact is, I just can’t putt. Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64
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