e all know physically attractive people have an edge in life. How people react to attractive and unattractive people has been studied, even with babies’ reactions to certain faces. The question today is, do you believe you are helped or hindered by your looks? You get to be right! In a recent research project, scientists and
Are You Leading with Your Scars?
W
by Rev. Lana Charlton
psychologists wanted to study the impact of the appearance in the workplace. The experiment included two groups of job applicants. Makeup was applied to each member of each group prior to their interview. One group was told they were going to be given an unattractive facial scar. Neither group was given any scar- ring while the makeup was applied, yet one set of job applicants believed they had a scar on their face. The group that believed they had the scar on their face was convinced the interviewer was put off by the scar, even mentioning that the interviewer had seemed to look at it. The group that did not believe they had scars was confi- dent and self assured. Yet, neither group had scars on their faces - only extra makeup. Those that believed they had a scar were shown the interview video and how they had responded. They saw that they didn’t have any scarring on their faces, but even with proof they still couldn’t believe it. A number within that group ironically said it was the interviewers’ fault. In my early life, I was convinced I was terminally unique. No one had suffered the abuse and devastating childhood I had. Even though I didn’t have any outer scarring that could be seen, I always led with my inner scars. I carried the abuse and history like a big X on my forehead. By the way, if you missed that big X, I was happy to point it out to you. As I began to mature spiritually and emotionally, working on my own inner healing, I began to listen to others. Volunteering in a women’s prison as a twelve step Chaplain, I learned that I was far from
unique, everyone carries scars.
Being the scarred victim and blaming others results in one particularly sneaky, self destructive attitude: That is the attitude of not needing to change. Awakening and healing is all about change, but, if everything is always somebody else’s fault, why do I need to change? In the poor me, look what they have done to me, I couldn’t stop it from happening role, it is easy to get backers who will cheer you from the sidelines, “You are scarred, you have an excuse.” Then it is easy to stay the action-less, per- petually scarred victim. It is suggested that people
treat you the way you secretly asked to be treated. If you lead with your scars in a negative way, your un- spoken request will determine how others behave towards you. When you lead with your scars, it is easy to be overly defen- sive and closed off. Or, just the opposite, willing to settle for the next thing that comes along so that we give
ourselves away because we do not believe we deserve
better. Scars reveal themselves through our behavior. Remember, a scar can be overlooked, maybe not even noticed, but behavior and actions are always noticed. Do you feel worthless, unworthy, or not good enough? Do
you look at yourself and make excuses for why you can’t be, do, or have what you want? Maybe you are leading with your scars. Seeing and acting unworthy will keep that X on your fore- head. If you don’t value yourself, others won’t do it for you. Today, I cannot say I celebrate my scars, but each one has a story to tell. I don’t need to lead with my scars, in fact I can even make some things kind of funny in the re-telling. As I have learned to give my scarred body and heart a lighter touch, the scars are not as prominent - in fact, some have faded and can barely be seen.
Rev. Lana Charlton is the senior minister at
Unity Gateway Church, Coral Springs, FL, and writes for numerous worldwide, national, and local publications. See ad page 28.
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Broward County
http://FtL.NaturalAwakeningsMag.com
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