LI F E S T Y L E
one likes Mr. Prang very much. When he’s not storming
through the lobby, he stands behind a potted palm next
to the crystal fountain and glares at anyone who crosses
his path, almost like he’s looking for someone to fi re.
On the next break, the saxophone player joins us at
the Asparagus Village. “Whoa. What a trip. It’s like –
uh – an international village. See that cat sitting on the
motorcycle? He’s wearing a sombrero. Dig the brother
asparagus hangin’ out the window – they painted his face
black. And he’s wearin’ one of those little African hats.
And that Asian asparagus chick on the lounge chair?
She looks hot in that bikini. Yeow!”
Asparagus children play in the Asparagus Village
sandbox, each with an expression of delight on its tiny
face. In the back, asparagus policemen loom, wearing
Top (Left to Right): Chefs and Bar at Schloss Lerbach Hotel.
uniforms made of tiny scraps of brown fabric, with
Above: The Ball Room at the Grand Hyatt in Manhattan.
Below (Right): Bundle of Asparagus.
matching hats. The hats have badges.
“I told you,” says Mr. Prang, “Do not stare at zee tragedy strikes. April arrives and the Asparagus Village
veg-e-tables.” fails to appear in the showcase window. Several weeks
I ignore Mr. Prang and spend every break peering later, most of the hotel musicians are fi red, causing me to
into the village, thinking about the manual labor that wonder if all along there has been a strange correlation
must have gone into a display that’s pretty much ignored between asparagus and lounge music. I move on to the
by most of the tourists lumbering though the lobby. next gig and forget all about my skinny green friends.
“Look Steve, an Asparagus Village.”
“That’s nice, hon.” Night of a Thousand Queens Bergisch Gladbach, Germany, 2009
might have captured the fancy of the overstuff ed and Every April asparagus season begins in Germany,
bleary-eyed visitors parked in the Hyatt lounge, but the where I now work as a pianist at Schloss Lerbach, a
Asparagus Village? Not so interesting. If you’ve come castle-hotel. The start of the season — trumpeted by
all the way to New York from Wisconsin, why spend whoops of joy normally reserved for fi rework displays on
your time checking out a hand-painted vegetable display the Rhine — marks the arrival of a two-month national
when you can watch 1,000 guys dressed in prom gowns. frenzy. The Germans, anxious to tuck into that fi rst
Each spring, for several years, the village — with all bite of the stalky white “king of vegetables,” hover in the
Y
new costumes and themes — graces the Hyatt hallway. produce aisles of local markets, discussing recipes for
One year we enjoy cowboys and Indians, the following cream of asparagus soup. It’s hard to fi nd homegrown
Y
ORK CIT
W
season we’re treated to an amusement park (including green asparagus here — the Germans prefer the white
TEL NE
a Ferris wheel full of stoned-looking asparagus girls variety.
T HO
wearing shorts and halter tops); the next time around we
A
T
I’m caught in the madness. As guests order platters
marvel at an asparagus Broadway show, complete with of asparagus accompanied by baby potatoes, thinly
AND HY
cast, pit orchestra, crew, and a chorus line of asparagus
GR
sliced ham, and an obscene amount of hollandaise
CH;
A
babes in skirts with red fringe. I fall in love with the sauce, I check my watch and wonder how much notice
whimsy and insanity of the display. But I never bother chef André Brauner needs to time my dinner with my
TEL LERB
to ask why it’s there. break. This is what happens when you leave New York
OSSHO
Then, as is often the case in the hotel business, City and move to the German countryside. You stop
SCHL
14 EX P A T R I A T E
Goldsby.indd 14 08/06/2009 13:51:04
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