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What your secret Santa present says about you


By Ellen Arnison


Ho ho flipping ho. That time of year is looming already. Brace yourself for the usual round of office parties, festive panic and the dreaded Secret Santa. If you’re not familiar with this annual torture – it’s when everyone is covertly given a name of someone else in the group. And that’s the person you must buy a present for – only don’t let on it’s from you. On the big day, Santa (usually the boss) will dish out the goodies.


The unwritten rules dictate that you must always look absolutely thrilled with whatever piece of tat you’ve just unwrapped – particularly as you have no idea who gave it to you and you don’t want to upset anyone important, do you? However, the real gift of a Secret Santa pressie is that it lets you know what your image is at work. Right there in the Rudolph wrapping paper, you can read your colleagues’ minds.


What kind of gift did Santa give you? 42 | West End Life – August/September 2013


A sexy one


Under the paper you find a scratchy lace garter or a mini book of sexual positions. It’s clear the donor has been to Ann Summers and it’s just as clear that it’s time you stopped discussing your weekend’s conquests on a Monday morning or lusting after the sandwich delivery person.


A boozy one


If you get a large bucket of cheap plonk, some glasses with your name on them or a hangover cure, then it might be time for a large glass of moderation. You thought you were just throwing yourself into after-work bonding, but everyone else knows you’re the office lush.


A boring one


The gift under the glitzy paper is about as exciting as something in the far corner of the stationary cupboard. If your workmates have given you a pen holder or an electric pencil sharpener then maybe you ought to consider letting your hair down a little. It’s all very well being formal at work, but there is a limit.


A old one


When Santa’s sack reveals a bag of Werther’s mints and a copy of People’s Friend it’s time for a long hard look at why your colleagues think you’re ready for the old folk’s home. Unless of course, you like Werther’s mints and the People’s Friend.


A nerdy one


If you’re thrilled with your mobile phone holder or app- directory gift, then either you’re a member of the IT team or you might need to spend a bit less time fiddling with computer and more time talking to real people.


@westendlife


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