Download a study guide for this article (free to print/Web members) at
www.thelutheran.org (click on “study guides”).
It’s true, too, that sometimes suf- fering is educational. The hard times can make us strong. A God whose judgment involves teaching us tough lessons about our sinful natures makes some sense.
But when it comes to undeserved
suffering that threatens to destroy us—what people in my profession call radical suffering—this model of God as judge runs up against the image of God as loving and just. What if the cancer or the lymphoma that God supposedly ushers into our lives overtakes us? What if God’s attempt “to fix our eyes on him” ends in early, painful death? Where’s the love in that? Where’s the justice in that? I believe judgment—even wrath—is part of God’s character. But to say that terminal diseases like cancer or AIDS are actually divine strategies to get us sinners to pay better attention to God means God’s judgment outweighs God’s love. That I cannot accept. How, then, do I have cancer? And how do I talk about it?
I have heard people in remission call cancer a gift. I have heard them say they wouldn’t go back to life before cancer, even if they could. I haven’t had any good days deal- ing with this comment. Knowing the odds are strong that cancer will kill me in the near future, I am unable to see—or embrace—the gift character of cancer. I asked my friend who lost his wife to cancer what he thought of the cancer-as-gift view. He smiled ruefully and said, “I bet none of those people have stage IV cancer.” Viewing cancer as a gift could
be related to the seriousness of a person’s particular diagnosis. Then again I have known women whose early stage cancer sent them spiral- ing into depression and into being consumed with thoughts of death. For some, cancer is a gift, but for many others, it’s an ugly word with
vicious consequences.
If I could know I had 30 years of remission ahead of me, I imagine I would be more amenable to think- ing about my cancer experience in a good, gift-like way. If I could reason- ably expect that cancer wasn’t going to kill me before my daughters gradu- ate from high school, I might be able to be grateful for the wake-up call. But right now? A gift? No way. At the same time, life with cancer has been rich with gifts. Cancer just isn’t one of them. How, then, do I have cancer? And how do I talk about it?
I ran into a colleague in one of the most popular congregating spots at our university for female faculty members: the women’s restroom. This colleague and I don’t know each other well, but she had signed my CaringBridge guestbook, expressing
her concern and encouragement. “I want you to know,” she said as we walked out of the restroom, “I read your CaringBridge site, but it feels a bit voyeuristic, like I’m eaves- dropping on your life.” I looked at her, surprised at the
response.
“But I’m concerned,” she con- tinued. “I want to know how you’re doing and I want to let you know you’re in my thoughts.” I appreciated my colleague’s honest admission of how we are all still working on what to do and what to say in the midst of a cancer diagnosis. She reminded me of what I always want to keep at the front of my mind: that none of us knows exactly how to have cancer; that none of us knows just how to talk about cancer; and that we continue on in the midst of not knowing.
Romantic Rhine River Cruise
14 Days
Departs April 10, 2013 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . from Departs September 4 or 18, 2013 . . . . . . . . from
Including Dutch Windmills & Germany’s Highlights $2098* $2398*
Travel with other Lutherans and start in Berlin, Germany for a four-day tour including east and west Berlin; Checkpoint Charlie; Potsdam; Dresden; Weimar and Düsseldorf. You’ll tour the Rococo Castle (Sansoucci), drive the German Autobahn, and visit many historic sites. Then board the 4-Star TUI Allegra for your cruise of the Rhine’s highlights including Rotterdam; Amsterdam; Nijmegen; Düsseldorf; Cologne; Bonn; the Lorelei passage to Rüdesheim and Frankfurt. Your tour will continue for two more days and nights visiting Heidelberg and Munich, with included sightseeing, before flying home from Munich. Your “brand new” ship the TUI Allegra, constructed in 2011, offers a state-of-the-art, experience! Price includes (very limited) outside Porthole. *Price per person, based on double occupancy. Airfare is extra. Add $250 per person for French Balcony. Plus $300 for September 18 departure date. September departures will embark/disembark in Frankfurt and visit ports in alternate pattern.
TM For reservations & details call 7 days a week: 1-800-736-7300 November 2012 33
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