AGENT PROVOCATEUR
False Economies? H
It took 20 minutes to
de-fluff his sleeves and only 10 minutes to make the computer and printer ‘talk to one another’, but the cost was the same as the new printer! Seething about my lack of cost saving I tried switching
ands up who is sick of hearing about Government cut back’s. Motion carried. We are all obsessed with money saving to the point where I am not sure if anyone is spending anything at all! My travelling colleagues are all having a proverbial fit that the money is coming in from the
previous season, so that we are paid to face (and afford) going out to sell the next! There appears to be a number of retailers who are robbing Peter to pay Paul, and if I find out who Paul is I shall be after his alloy wheels! It all has a knock-on effect. I thought it would be prudent (a word used by the chancellor many times) to instigate a little cost saving in the AP offices, just in small ways, nothing too drastic, on the premise that all the little things add up to a big thing. Well doesn’t it just, but not quite in the way I thought. I started by using 80gm paper instead of 90gm. You could hardly notice the difference in the quality, but saved about £5 – great start, until it got stuck in the printer, overheated the element so I had to buy a new one as it was cheaper to replace than repair. The all-singing all-dancing new one did everything but make the tea, but within a week I found it was temperamental and not completely compatible with the computer, so it involved a visit from my computer guru. He spent 10 minutes sucking air over his teeth and bemoaning the fact that I needed another filing basket as the two I had were over-flowing and if I filed my paperwork properly there wouldn’t be so much dust sticking to his cashmere cardigan.
What he failed to tell me is that they have to be specially cleaned (expensive) and having thrown it in with the normal wash (cost saving) it now fits one of our dogs. Yes my wife thought it funny to dress the dog until I refused to take him with the others out for a walk. Even that did not have the desired effect because she went out and bought the others a coat ‘to go with him’ – give me strength! You would think by now I have learned my lesson, but I am nothing but
tenacious (who said thick?) so I turned my attention to accommodation while out on the road selling. Whatever commission I earn has to go a myriad of ways – tax, car costs, mostly diesel and somewhere to lay my weary head. I have commented before about motels; you get what you pay for, all the same, you wake up in the morning and say ‘OK I’m in a travel cabin but whereabouts in the country am I?’ cheap but impersonal etc. but now not so cheap! Lenny Henry should take his shoes off next time he jumps spread-eagle on a bed as hotels are obviously paying more in dry cleaning. I decided to revert to the good old B&B, the really cheap end.
lights off. You know what is coming don’t you…I managed to trip over the box that had held the new printer, the result of which was a trip to my chiropractor for a pulled muscle (another £50) and to the opticians to repair my glasses, as my reading glasses flew off and ended up a very peculiar shape (although the family assured me my eyes and ears do not match up, so they actually looked as if they fitted me better - cheek). The optician not having had me in the chair for some years, proceeded to tell me that my trusty 20 year old specs needing replacing and that would be a considerable £500, at the same time assuring me that varifocals would be considerably more. Protesting at this exorbitant amount he did point out that I had a ‘discerning eye’ (something incurable apparently) and had chosen a pair with a brand name on them and I could go for something a little less up-market. Waste of breath because I knew that trying to convince my colleagues that NHS is short for the designer ‘Nadia Hammond-Symthe’ was futile – because they too suffer from ‘discerning eyes’ and they may be ‘cabbage looking’ but they are not green! Having spent an entire month’s pocket money on the printer, glasses and
associated costs, I had to cut costs somehow and now there was more of an urgency to do so than before. “Turn the heating thermostat down Mrs. P’ I called up the stairs, but I wont repeat her reply (can’t think what she meant as I have never been double jointed). Fortunately we are having a milder winter albeit a weather warning has just been issued, so I couldn’t see a problem with wearing a couple more jumpers and I had to buy a new cashmere jumper as my computer man looked pretty unimpressed with my vintage Sweater Shop number, assuring me how beautifully warm they are.
The traditional “Landlady” was called upon to look after my many needs over the last month and boy did they look after my needs, in some cases needs I didn’t realise I needed!!!! One or too appeared wearing curlers and a house coat, the décor hadn’t changed since Moses was a boy (Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen would have had a field day) and demanded breakfast be taken before 9am.
The traditional “Landlady” was called upon to look after my many needs
over the last month and boy did they look after my needs, in some cases needs I didn’t realise I needed!!!! One or too appeared wearing curlers and a house coat, the décor hadn’t changed since Moses was a boy (Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen would have had a field day) and demanded breakfast be taken before 9am. But there were also a few ladies in fluffy slippers offering a night cap if so desired, and at the risk of sounding conceited I don’t think they were offering the cloth version – particularly the lady doing an exaggerated Anne Robinson impression. She could have had a squint of course – or perhaps that is what the optician meant by a ‘discerning eye’, who knows? but I made sure my bedroom door was firmly locked and a chair well and truly wedged under the handle just in case she’d thought I’d ticked the box ‘breakfast in bed’! Joking apart some of my B&B’s will be revisited, they were comfortable and good value and if Mrs. P does read this then she can be assured I like breakfast before 9am and I have an aversion to fluffy slippers. It is satisfying to know that I am helping a smaller economy and that is
what everyone should be doing now, avoiding the big boys. To help our economy grow and to keep people in work we need to ensure our money is going to the right places, not in the pockets of giants to whom the population is simply faceless and there to provide massive bonuses. We can all be a penny wise and a pound foolish, as I have found to my great cost!
16 • FOOTWEAR TODAY
• FEBRUARY 2012
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