Last year, my husband came to me with those dreaded
words: “Lori, I’m deploying.” He broke the news to me over a
poopy diaper of my 9-month-old baby. Looking back, I guess there is no easy way to say you’re leav- ing your family to go to war. War stinks. Maybe telling me while holding a poopy diaper was poetic, if not appropriate? “You’re so funny,” I said. “Quit
playing, and pass me a diaper.” “No, seriously,” he said. “I was notified today that I’m deploying to Afghanistan.” “How long?” I asked. “Six months.” Ouch. That’s a mighty long time. “Well, when do you leave?
Hopefully we’ll get to enjoy the Alaskan summer together.” “Well …” he trailed off into a long pause. “Well what? When?” “In two weeks.” With my husband about to do his part in the global war on terrorism, I looked up this evil word, “de- ploy.” It does in fact mean “to move [troops] into position for military action.”
But I also found another defini- tion: “to bring into effective ac- tion; to utilize.” I decided to bring into effective action every skill, gift, talent, and ingenuity I had to make my family successful at this deployment/separation. Sure, I wanted to have a pity-
party; after all, my husband was leaving for six months with two weeks’ notice. But after no one showed up to the party but me, I got to work awakening everything in me — things like my patience,
my tone of voice when I speak to my children, my relationships, order in my house, cleanliness, and organization — to help me take “effective action.” So began a journey that un-
veiled what many spouses before me already know, what those contemporary with me are learn- ing, and what spouses following me will soon find out: You never know what you’re capable of doing until you’re forced to dig deep and stand on your own. Leveraging the power of social
media, I launched the National Association of Military Moms and Spouses (
www.nammas.org). I wanted to create a network
that would function like a “sup- port bra,” to hold us up and together when we needed it. I wanted any mom or spouse who joined to realize she can prosper where she’s planted, using her gifts, talents, and abilities to have the life she wants with the mili- tary life she gets. More than a million military spouses do things like run a household while hubby’s away for deployments that can last 12-15 months at a stretch; move our families around the world to the detriment of our child’s senior year or star basketball season; and take repeat hits in our own pro- fessional careers, with constant moves and stresses that come just as we’re hitting our stride. Military spouses are the back- bone of the nation’s force and the springboard from which the mili- tary is able to do what it does on behalf of America. — Lori R. Bell is an Air Force spouse and Military Spouse magazine’s Military Spouse of the Year for 2010. She is a member of MOAA’s Currently Serving Spouse Advisory Council.
Searching for a job every time my husband changes
duty station does more to break my spirit than the long deployments or frequent moves that come with the life I married into. When I married military, I knew
my life would not stay in one place for any length of time. I knew my children would have to change schools and make new friends more often than nonmilitary children. But I never imagined how challenging it would be to become employed and unemployed again and again. I had a career when I met my husband … a job history in the town where I lived, connections, and a network. Then I married Kurt, and we moved. Our first duty station took me not only out of my net- work but also out of the country. I cannot say I
regret any of the employment po- sitions I’ve found myself in over the past seven years of my life as a military spouse. I have been able to broaden my skill set, and at our most recent duty station I had the most fulfilling position I’ve ever held. But every time we move, I land in a new town with no network, searching online job sites for a com- pany that will look past the gaps in my résumé and frequent job changes. When employers ask, “What do
you do?” I am at a loss for an an- swer. Like many military spouses, I have done a lot of things, but I am not fully skilled in any one thing. I follow my husband to every
duty station and every assignment with pride and dedication. When I get there, I want to contribute, too. — Julie Riggs is a Navy spouse currently job hunting in San Diego.
MAY 2011 MILITARY OFFICER 63
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