A 62 MILITARY OFFICER MAY 2011
As I introduced myself at a professional meeting recently, I spoke about my background in geology — but not my marriage or the Navy. My boss spoke up: “Charity is
also a military spouse.” Our corporate liaison turned to me and asked, “Why didn’t you lead off with that?” The truth is, I always have been a little uncomfortable bringing my husband up in professional conversation.
None of the men at the table had brought up their spouses and what they do. Why should I be any different? When people find out I am a military spouse, their first comment is often that I am “not like other military spous-
es.” But I find what most of my colleagues know about military spouses is an image of stoic women holding their children and waiting for news of their soldier overseas. My colleagues are on the lookout for people who look like they are waiting; they aren’t looking for the mom or
dad playing with kids at the park, the nurse treating them at the hospital, the corporate titan in the boardroom, the volunteer taking care of our fighting forces, the person teaching their child, or their neighbor mowing the lawn. Military spouses pass incognito because Americans do not often see us as real people. They see reports about
how we pack up every couple years, move to a new place, and start our careers and lives over while we raise our families as part-time single parents and worry a knock on the door means the love of our lives is dead. They cannot conceptualize how that affects us as real people. This is why we need to share all of the other amazing ways we contribute, why we need to make the diversity of
our experiences real to build a bridge with the American people. We have to take off our disguises and show ourselves as both heroes and humans — not only the people who wait but also the people who build communities.
— Charity M. Phillips Lander is a Navy spouse as well as a geologist.
Blue Star Families (www.bluestarfam .org) released its 2010 Military Family survey of 3,634
military family members (sponsored in part by MOAA), noting significant levels of stress within families. Imag- ine this stress compounded with a child with a serious, chronic medical issue. Our daughter, Kate, was born with severe hydrocephalus almost eight years ago. For our family and the other 100,000-plus military family members affected by a disability, the lack of support and appropriate ser- vices within the military community can be catastrophic. We’ve seen a lot of progress in the past several years: • The Marine Corps consistently has supported its Exceptional Family
Member Program (EFMP); the Air Force finally is taking action to improve its EFMP. (As an Air Force family, I have faith the leadership is taking action to ensure ap- propriate policies and supports are in place, and I am en- couraged that Suzie Schwartz, wife of Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Norton A. Schwartz, has joined the discussion.) • The 2010 National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) authorized the creation of a DoD Office of
Community Support for Military Families with Special Needs to standardize the quality of services provided and ensure best practices across the service branches.
• In the proposed 2011 NDAA, the House requested a GAO review of both the individual services’ EFMP offic- es and the new DoD office, while the Senate’s proposed version includes several provisions to ensure military children can access special education and to enhance the transparency and effectiveness of the DoD office. • More national nonprofits are bridging the gap be- tween the disability community and the military. The Arc (
www.thearc.org) is conducting a national survey to better understand the needs of military families. Special- ized Training of Military Parents (STOMP,
www.stomp
project.org), provides military-specific training regard- ing children with disabilities and has an e-mail list for parent-to-parent discussion. MOAA, the Military Child Education Coalition, and other service organizations also have helped military families with special needs. If your military family has special needs — particu-
larly if you’re new to this situation — you’re not alone. We’ve been doing this for a while, and we’re here to help. — Jeremy Hilton is an Air Force spouse and member of MOAA’s Currently Serving Spouse Advisory Council.
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