5 MINUTES
with DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER
Melting Snowflakes I
’ve noticed a growing trend: young adults feeling depressed by not feeling fulfilled. An 18-year-old female called my SiriusXM show with
her mother to tell me about how, after her first semester at college, she didn’t feel fulfilled. I asked her what she meant by that; what she would
actually feel if she were “fulfilled.” She had trouble defining it. I’m hearing this from a growing number of younger
adults. These budding adults are generally nice folks with above-average intelligence, with nice, (overly) supportive parents. What is going on? Why do these young adults not feel what they think they should be feeling? Are they going through the necessary transition
from being “taken care of” to independence? No, that’s not it. Too much constant infusion of
peppy images from social media? No, that’s not it, either. What I believe is the issue is that
they have grown up in an environment that supports gratification without significant effort. It starts with the trophies for
“Let’s pretend you are a budding chef. You are wanting
to make the soup of all soups. You gather wonderful vegetables and herbs and begin to chop them up, finely, one by one. Let’s say there are 12 such ingredients for you to slice. Are you going to feel fulfilled as you chop the vegetables? Probably not. Are you going to feel fulfilled when you toss all the chopped ingredients in the pot with water or broth? Probably not. Are you going to feel fulfilled when folks around the table sip the wonderful soup and exclaim how uniquely yummy it is? Probably. “It is not about all the chopping and simmering. It is
showing up. It continues with the constant accolades from parents who are possessed with the notion of feeding their children’s “self-esteem.” And even more with the ambient culture that says an individual is important just for having unique pronouns. Upon hitting the end of adolescence and the beginning
of adulthood, many young people get gobsmacked by not having their self-esteem pumped daily. This caller described her life at college as wonderful:
good grades, joined sorority, activities, but no feeling of fulfillment. I started by telling her that I wouldn’t expect her to feel particularly fulfilled — and that her idea that she should was unreasonable. Fulfillment is about using who we are and what we have learned and earned, for the future benefit of others. “Getting through college, socially and academically,
builds confidence, knowledge, life experience, and practice which will eventually be used for the well-being of others. “Fulfillment is a sense that comes with being important
to others; it does not come by passing yet another academic course or being in a sorority.” She started to murmur about, “Yeah, I can see that.” So, I gave a slightly silly example.
68 NEWSMAX MAXLIFE | FEBRUARY 2025
Parents try to prevent their kids from feeling all the feelings they need to learn how to survive: fear, loss, disappointment, embarrassment, or any emotion other than “happy.”
about that soup being the end product of all your learning and practice and skill — but mostly about the reaction of diners who are appreciating what you have brought to their table.” Children are being brought up too
often these days with the parental attitude that their children should never feel anything but happy. Parents try to prevent their kids from feeling all the feelings they need to learn how to survive: fear, loss, disappointment, embarrassment, or any emotion other than “happy.” That’s why too many mothers go to
their children’s school to complain that some other mother did not invite their kid to a birthday party. Their child feels
hurt. Unbelievable. The role of a parent, in addition to love and nurture, is
to prepare that child for the real world of most things not going our way. Instead, too many parents strive constantly to have their children not “feel” painful experiences rather than having them learn to be resilient. That is like sending a warrior into battle without any weapons. And it is how we create snowflakes instead of
competent adults. A schoolteacher called to tell me of a circumstance in
the classroom of 5-year-olds. They were making snowflake ornaments to take home for Christmas. One child said loud with great enthusiasm: “Great.
Snowflakes are wonderful.” Another child whipped around and said: “No! Snowflakes are not wonderful. That means they never leave home!” The teacher asked her if she and her parents listened to Dr Laura. Hahahaha!
Listen to Dr. Laura on SiriusXM Channel 111, Mon.–Sat. 2–6pm ET, Sun. 5–9pm ET.
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