OFFHIRE
Roy thought he’d hit the jackpot when a visitor offered to buy his business. Unfortunately, the gent had not done his research, and Roy’s dreams of an exotic bride soon withered. Oh well…
HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK! A
ny regular reader of my inane drivel will now know that I own and run a single-depot rental company
based in Yorkshire. I do this not out of love for the game, but for the following reasons:
1) I have a mortgage the size of the national debt of a small African nation run by a corrupt dictator.
2) It keeps me off the streets and out of the local pubs, bars and betting shops.
3) While there, I am as far away from the love of my life and not under her feet.
4) My offspring see me as the Bank of Bearded Dad, with a neverending supply of funds to keep them in the lifestyle to which I’d like to be accustomed but can only dream of.
Now, I think that to achieve this juggling act of keeping all the above in the air, I do so with a modicum of intellect. I’m no genius, by any stretch of the imagination, but what I lack in intelligence I endeavour to make up for in hard work.
A cornerstone to this is homework. When at school, or in work, if one does their homework on a subject they have the best opportunity to succeed. It’s not rocket science. I’ve not just become some visionary who has just fallen to his knees having seen a blinding light in the sky. It’s just common sense and sheer logic.
Subsequently, my world was completely turned upside down recently, when I was contacted by an individual from a hire company in mainland Europe wanting to come and meet us. A meeting was duly arranged and the individual arrived. He was excited about meeting with me and said that he’d been looking forward to sit down with a great businessman. I didn’t have the heart to correct him, but was grateful for the compliments nonetheless. He proceeded to tell me that he was on the acquisition trail and that he wanted to buy my business!
HURRAY AT LAST! Financial freedom, the chance to sit at home all day in my underpants watching Jeremy Kyle, eating dry Cheerios from the box while pledging money to save the Arctic fox, the African elephant and the Sumatran bush baby – all of which couldn’t survive without the help of a kind-hearted, gullible former plant hire icon such as myself.
My mind spun with how I’d spend the funds. Maybe a divorce and a new life with a Thai bride in Bangkok! How much is a Bentley? That’d cause a stir around the country lanes of Sherburn-in-Elmet.
I was suddenly brought back to cold reality with the visitor’s single line of ‘If all of your depots are as good as this, I think we’d be very happy. ALL OF OUR DEPOTS? WE’VE ONLY GOT THE ONE! Sadly, I saw the Bentley and the Thai bride dissolving. The plight of all those endangered creatures seemed even more perilous because of the single word ‘ALL’.
It seems that this buffoon had not done his homework and made an assumption, which was about as accurate as a Premier League referee’s judgement. He didn’t want us and left somewhat shame-faced, with a couple of choice words from yours truly ringing in his ears.
You see dear chums, homework is vital – whether it be on your customers, marketplace, equipment or potential markets and services. You can never do too much homework, because without it you could be made to look somewhat silly.
Happy Hiring
(and his fleeting but broken dreams)
32 Executive Hire News - May 2023
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