If we are the instigator, it is more diffi cult to separate our emotional reaction from our outward behaviors. We are in the attack, defend and survive mindset. We might not be aware of our surroundings, and initially we certainly are not aware of how we look to by-standers. To our brain, our actions are a result of a threat and we are taking action to live and fi ght another day. At some point, however, our rational brain will take over and we realize (a) we overreacted, (b) we were not correct, (c) we behaved like a raving lunatic, or (d) all of the above. If we are in the middle of our tirade and we realize the inappropriateness of our actions, we need to stop talking. Yes, we can stop mid-sentence or even mid-word. Chances are that most of the other people have already tuned us out. We can then turn and walk away, which can also include an apology for our actions. That is the most important step. The second- most-important step is to remove ourself from that physical location for at least 30 minutes. That is how long it takes for our mind to transition from “attack” to “all is well.” Our next interactions with those who witnessed our temper tantrum can be extremely tentative; we have lost some of their trust and respect. We must work twice as hard to gain it back. Our behaviors are driven by our thoughts and our
perceptions. When we interpret another’s actions as ones that will humiliate or embarrass us, impact our employment or cause us to lose respect from our colleagues, our brain will choose the fi ght or fl ight reaction. Stopping discussions from escalating into shouting matches is a conscious and high-energy activity, one that cannot be accomplished in a short timeframe. Raising our awareness of our own triggers and reactions, and noticing what aggravates our direct reports, can save us time, money and headaches.
Dr. Shari Frisinger is the creator of Radar Leadership ™
, a series of programs and workbooks
designed to enhance awareness and remove traditional thinking to dysfunctional relationships. Dr. Shari specializes in revealing the root causes of inappropriate behaviors and provides you tools to
transform confl ict into actionable solutions. Her recent research is on the defensive behavior aspect of human factors, CRM and TEM.
Dr. Shari is an NBAA PDP provider, a member of the Aviation Psychology Association, and teaches leadership degree courses at The University of Charleston and Embry- Riddle Aeronautical University. She has presented behavioral safety programs to a variety of fl ight departments, aviation companies, and aviation conferences. Connect with Dr. Shari on LinkedIn and Twitter, phone 281.701.6046, email her for her newsletter (
DrShari4136@outlook.com) or https://www.
davincitraininginstitute.com/our-partners-cornerstone-strategies/
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