judges our success against theirs (and their success includes more money, bigger house, newer car and other materialistic items), we are defi nitely doomed for an escalated discussion. In each of these scenarios, our
reaction to the situation is just as critical as the other person’s. The fi ring of defense mechanisms becomes contagious and feeds off the tension in the air. The circles on page 46 illustrate how a situation can easily get out of hand when a person does not understand the response process of another person. Our reactions (positive or negative) have an eff ect on others and they will react to our reactions. That’s how discussions become escalated and arguments ensue. As we can see, these vicious circles
are self-perpetuating. The longer this type of discussion continues, the greater chance of escalating into a situation that results in regrettable words being spewed and actions causing ill feelings. If it is in a work environment, it infl uences safety negatively and hampers collaboration. If it is in a home environment, it aff ects everyone attending the function. The present and future interactions are aff ected in both environments. After all, how can we be pleasant to someone who just embarrassed us, or rehashed a prior argument in front of other people? These scenarios do not have to end badly or uncomfortably. It only takes one person to throw a wrench into this circle, to derail the path that each person’s brain is fi xated upon. The key being aware enough of our triggers and of the situation to switch brains and break that chain. Let’s talk a moment about our
triggers. These are words, innuendos, behaviors or inferences that immediately take us from a cool, calm and collected mental state to one that can resemble a raving lunatic.
Years ago, it was the word “whatever” coupled with a heavy sigh (either before or after) that immediately caused a person to retaliate. “Whatever” also included rolling of the eyes and/or a fl ippant hand wave with the same end result. “Talk to the
hand” was another one that would set people off immediately. Ours can be words (“ok,” “it’s not my job,” “I did it last time,” “the manual/policy states …”), actions (raising eyebrows, shrugging shoulders, nodding head, pursing lips) or a combination of
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