NEWS
Horace Bent Bent’s Notes
T
Bent’s Notes Horace Bent @horacebent
Norway’s author delegation arrived into central Frankfurt by train, led by the crown princess—but their journey had an unexpected guest.......
Red carpet treatment for The Girl on the Train
Despite the heavy security and logistical nightmare of having to cater to the whims of authors, every stop was bang on time
he hotest place for bookish Frankfurt yesterday? The Hauptbahnhof. Yes, that’s right: the place you scutle by rather quickly owing to it being power- fully redolent of urine and filled with sketchy characters looking like the German equivalent of Jesse Pinkman, either trying to
score crystal or yelling: “Wo ist mein Geld, bitch?” The station literally rolled out the red carpet as Norway’s
crown princess Mette-Marit pulled into town with the “literary train”: 10 carriages, stuffed with 20 of the Guest of Honour’s greatest authors. It was the final destination of its whistle-stop tour across Germany. Deutsche Bahn was on board and, despite the heavy securit and logistical nightmare of having to cater to the whims of authors— who, agents will atest, can be more demanding than toddlers—every stop was bang on time. Can you imagine the schiesseshow if this was tried in the UK? You can almost hear that oſt-familiar voice on the Tannoy: “Great Western Rail/Southern/South-Eastern/your own transport bête noire is sorry to announce that the 19.05 Literary Train has been cancelled due to leaves on the track. A rail- replacement bus service will depart in 50 minutes.” Mete-Marit is no diletante and is not jumping on the Guest of Honour bandwagon. She has long championed books, boarded similar literary trains in Norway, and is even editing a collection of essays and stories to be published by Aschenoug this month. Get your eight-figure bids ready, acquiring editors! Still, all those Norwegian authors on one train; you would think there might be some sort of Murder on the Orient Express-stle shenanigans. The victim would undoubtedly be Karl Ove Knausgaard because of the white-hot jealousy that is core to the make- up of most authors—even his fellow successful ones. Heck, especially the successful ones. As Gore Vidal once said: “success is not enough, others must fail”. The perpetrator? Obvious: it would be……. Rebekah Vardy. From a crown princess to a Yas Kween: it was the last time hosting the Hachete Part at the Hessicher Hof for the regal Clare Harington, the woman who can make a journalist’s blood turn cold simply by popping up in their inboxes. Sure, in future Octobers she may think back fondly on FBF’s must-atend bash, but she probably won’t miss the insufferable boors who rock up expecting to be let in without RSVPing. Uh, sorry, Clare—and auf wiedersehen!
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AT A TRAIN STATION NEAR YOU...
PINKMAN: LURKING
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