MM Parenting


Anxious about how good a mum you are? Struggling to cope with the pressures of school and family life? In her new book, clinical psychologist Genevieve von Lob, offers her suggestions for a stress-free family life!


Happy parent, happy child!


In our society, we’re all much too hard on ourselves. We’re brought up to believe that ‘success’ is all- important, whether it’s at school, in our jobs, in our relationships and especially as parents. We can spend a great deal of energy pushing ourselves – and then beating ourselves up when things don’t work out as planned. This harsh attitude can easily spill over into our attempts to be a little calmer. Many of us hold ourselves to impossible standards as parents and find it very difficult to accept that being ‘good enough’ is okay.


Remember: it’s normal to


find parenting a struggle I have worked with hundreds of families and I can assure you that every single mum and dad has times when they feel like a terrible parent. All of us have moments when we want to run away from it all, or long to spend an evening on our own with a hot bath followed by a good night’s sleep. Far from feeling filled with love for our children, we might feel like parenting is just a never-ending list of chores. It’s normal to have times – maybe many times – when you just don’t enjoy parenting very much. Remembering that this is how many other parents are feeling can help us get through the day.


Have realistic expectations


of yourself Dealing with a child, who won’t do what they are told, is really tough at the end of a long day. Be realistic about how much you can deal with without getting stressed.


46 Modernmum


Sometimes we can’t help losing our tempers. Rather than beating ourselves up for being human, we


would do better to


accept where we are right now: stressed- out, sleep deprived and miserable. We can accept that we won’t always create a peaceful and harmonious home because nobody can. No parent is perfect. Everyone has their bad days. And every new day is a chance to try again.


Use painful feelings as fuel


for change When we feel we’ve made mistakes in our parenting, it’s easy to start feeling sorry for ourselves or start thinking we are victims. That doesn’t help you or your kids. We all experience times when we realise we could have done things differently. Go easy on yourself, think about how you would approach a similar situation in the future, and remember we’re all learning as we go along.


Avoid the comparison trap Comparing ourselves with others will bring us down. We can all look at other mums


and dads who seem to have a bigger house, keep on top of chores effortlessly, and serve their children homemade organic meals every night. So what? We are all on unique journeys as parents. Every family is different. What really matters is that you are doing what you can to be the kind of parent you want to be. What others appear to be doing is irrelevant.


Sleep is necessary – know


your limits We all know that parenting – especially when it comes to babies and younger kids – can lead to a chronic lack of sleep. Don’t make it any harder for yourself than is necessary. Sometimes it’s okay to go to bed really early and get under the duvet. Get more rest and try again tomorrow.


Ask for help Communicate clearly to your partner, wider family and friends what practical steps they can take to help you. So many assume that those close to us should know what we need without us even having to ask. But you’ll be doing the people you care about – and your kids – a big favour if you spell out clearly how they can help, especially if you’re going through a tough time.


Genevieve von Lob


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