YOU MIGHT THINK ‘She’s only little.
What’s she really got to be sad about?’
You may feel worried to hear your child say she’s feeling sad, because childhood is generally portrayed as a time without a care in the world. You may also feel you have somehow failed her because she’s not having a 100 per cent happy childhood, which you feel is your responsibility.
HELP YOUR CHILD UNDERSTAND THAT EMOTIONS COME AND GO. THERE ARE WAYS TO MANAGE FEELINGS.
WHAT SHE’S THINKING
‘Something made me feel bad today, and now my body feels heavy and I feel sad’
As your child gets older, she is able to identify and label her emotions. Now she is learning about cause and effect, she realises that when something happens that she doesn’t like it can affect how she feels. She has also worked out that sadness feels like a mix of being worried, feeling drained of energy, and more prone to tears.
HOW TO RESPOND
In the moment… 1
Be ready to listen. Let your child express herself. If her sad
feelings are not dealt with, they may surface in other ways – anger, tummy aches, or sleep problems. So, show her you’re ready to listen. Squeeze her hand or offer her a cuddle straightaway; later, offer some special time.
2
Help her process the feelings. Rather than ask lots of ‘why’ questions, ask if she’d like to talk through the day and turn it
into a story. If she does not want to dwell on painful moments, tell her she can skip over those. This retelling will help her
piece her jumbled feelings together so she can make more sense of them.
3 Tell her feelings pass. While your child may be sad now, it
doesn’t mean she’ll feel sad all the time. Explain the difference between ‘I feel sad now’ and ‘I am a sad person’. Help her take the longer view, by asking her how she thinks she’ll feel later, tomorrow, or next week.
In the long term…
Build awareness of feelings. Train your child to pay attention to the feelings in her body when she experiences emotions. Show her how doing something physical – playing a game outside or running – can help shift her emotional state to a new one.
Explore your own feelings. Children can be emotional
barometers for a family. Are there any particular worries that may be impacting on your child’s happiness? If you find yourself becoming annoyed with her for expressing this sadness, it may help to talk to friends and family to help you figure out your feelings.
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