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Living the Upbeat Life...In A Word: by Marcia Singer of Santa Rosa, CA. ~ www.lovearts.info ~ lovearts@att.net


Santa Rosa, CA. ~ Many years ago, I had an “aha” about being mature enough to surrender my competitive instincts to the greater end of getting along, making a friend, compassionately helping someone else shine.


It was 1990.


I’d enrolled in a year-long train- ing in Voice Di- alogue, a Jun- gian-influenced process that helps us listen to the voices in our heads, those parts of us that compete to run our lives each day, robbing us of conscious, clearer choices. wanted to know my inner cast


I


of characters and gain more control over my life and rela- tionships.


competing to be a stand out in


college weekend dating in


athletics and ---being


a


Having grown up pretty much


everything I did --from school work and tests to


was no excep- tion.


I tried to stand out and be ad-


mired or respected was to be the brightest star in the room: the brainiest, cleverest, quick- est on their mental feet. But I had competition. A member of


workshop The way


www.upbeattimes.com ~COMPASSION~


the training group was a well- known author who had intro- duced massage to Esalen In- stitute. Not only did “Bernie” often have a come-back to my own discoveries and remarks, but something to top mine –or to try to, at any rate.


got to sit there having said my piece, basking in the glory.


like nie.


I didn’t Ber-


It must


have been mutual! He


gave


credence ognition to ring com- and I felt around


n o or rec-


my star- mentary, invisible him. So I


We have Positive Solutions to


Unforeseen Interruptions! From time to time mini fender benders and accidents occur when you least expect them. And they do happen. We are a positive solution to these annoying interruptions. We hope you don’t have to call us. But if you do... We’ll be ready!


love, or to be safe


from com-


rejec - tion, pain, ostra -


cism. What part of myself, what ‘sub-


personality’ would help me to win my parents’ love so that I could feel safe and special? In the class exercise, I real- ized that it was a competitive side of little Marcia that came to her rescue long ago. She thought she had to be the best, the most outstanding in every- thing all the time or something awful might happen.


would puff myself up, and try again to be more brilliant than Bernard. Until one day. The class had been focused on what we thought we’d have to be in our fami l ies


to get I rarely This felt exciting –a


controlled experiment! I bit my tongue at first, not to try to top each of


Bernie’s comments.


What I realized though was mind-boggling. He apparently had the same survival strategy as a kid that I did! And he was still


unconsciously em-


ploying it. Bernie had to be the most intel- ligent, cleverest, in- sightful student in the group too! My now was


passion


flowing for us both. I could sense a vulnerable Inner Child aspect in us both, clamoring for approval, recognition, ac- ceptance and love.


When the class was over,


Bernie wanted to have a word with me –the first time ever. He wanted to


tell me how That


felt shadowy, lonely and ugly. And that “Brilliant Star” part of me was still standing in to keep a very vulnerable part of me from feeling hurt and re- jected. Aha! I had been doing inner work long enough to realize I might actually have a choice now in regards to feeling re- jected and ignored and tram- pled by Bernie. It was not to compete! Let him have the last word, let him bask in the light.


much he enjoyed me in class that day, and was glad I was in the group. I had talked the least often that day! But ironi- cally, when I stopped trying to outdo him, run circles around him, he felt something ‘differ- ent’ that felt like friendship, belonging. And I realized that my attempt to connect and be- long by wowing others in the room didn’t really do that. And I gained a newfound abil- ity to hold my tongue, and bet- ter, open my heart to another, let him do the shining. It felt real good.


May I wish us each a won-


der-filled holiday season, and the surprising blessings that compassion bestows. Shining deLight, Marcia


“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to


5800 Guerneville Rd Sebastopol • 829-2477


28 • December 2018 • UPBEAT TIMES, INC.


be happy, practice compassion.” Dalai Lama XIV


“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” ~ Sigmund Freud


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