Living with Humor BERNIE
By Bernie Siegel, MD
ife is diffi cult but it can become intolerable when the child in you dies. When that child dies so does your sense of humor and your ability to laugh at life. I know from experience how easy it is to focus on what is troubling you versus what heals and sustains you. We must be willing to make the effort to see through the darkness and fi nd the light. As Helen Keller said, “If you face the sunshine you do not see the shadows.”
L Many years ago when I was in pain trying to deal with the
many emotional aspects of being a physician that we are not trained to handle, I began to write about my painful experiences every night before going to bed. It was before I knew this was therapeutic. It was just something I felt compelled to do to help me deal with the events of the day and not just bury them within me. I kept it hidden from the family because it was not a pleasant thing for anyone to read.
One night when I was very tired I forgot to hide it and my wife Bobbie, found it. The next morning she said, “There’s nothing funny in your journal.” “My life isn’t funny,” I said.
“You have us laughing at dinner every night.” Then she went on to tell me stories I had told her and the children that had me laughing but that never got into my journal. From then on, I made notes not just about the painful events in my life but also about the humorous and healing events. In this way, what is stored within is not just the pain but the joyful events too.
When people ask, “How do you deal with stress?” I answer, “Drugs and alcohol.” Most people know I’m kidding. The truth is I learned to handle stress by not leaving anything unfi nished. The other day before leaving home I fi nished the Kahlua, red and white wine, valium and Prozac. I can tell you I haven’t felt so great in a long time.
I have embarrassed our fi ve children for years and it has saved me a lot of money. When we dined out and the waiter asked, “How’s everything?” I would answer, “Why are you upsetting me in the middle of dinner. If you read the papers you would know what a mess the world is. So please let me eat in peace.”
At an Italian restaurant, I would order Chinese food to confuse
the waitress who was never quite sure if I was kidding. The last time I went to pick up a pizza, they had three containers of Chinese food waiting for me on the counter. And the whole place had a good laugh. We all became kids again.
The other day I called our oldest son, Jonathan at his offi ce. He is an attorney. I told his secretary I was an FBI agent who had to discuss an investigation with Jon. She interrupted his meeting to insist he answer the phone. He said, “It’s my father.” The secretary argued with him that it was an FBI agent. He said, “Okay, hand me the phone.” He then said, “Yes Dad, what is it?” His secretary now knows better.
The ultimate benefi t of all this I observed at my father’s death.
If I asked you what would you have your family talk about when you were ready to die so you could die laughing, what would you answer? The right answer is for them to tell stories about you and hopefully you will give them enough material so you can die laughing as my father did.
The fi rst story my mother told ended with the fact that my dad lost a coin toss and therefore, had to take her out. From then on things got worse and I have no idea why my mom kept dating him but those events let him go looking joyful and free of fear. It was a gift to everyone in the room.
When you laugh you lose an awareness of the physical aspects
of life and transcend your troubles. Here is a list of exercises to help live life with humor!
1. Keep a journal of whatever makes you smile for the next week, from emails to events. Reread it every evening at bedtime. 2. Act like a child today and perform or ask questions just like
a preschooler would. 3. Embarrass someone you know today by your actions. 4. Dress like a clown today and act as if you do not notice
anyone’s reaction.
5. It’s never too early to prepare to die laughing. Start accumu- lating material and giving your family things to talk about that will make you laugh. Start asking them to share memories now.
For many, Dr. Bernard Siegel-or Bernie, as he prefers to be called-needs no introduction. He has touched many lives all over the Planet. In 1978, he reached a national and then international audience when he began talking about patient empowerment and the choice to live fully and die in peace. Read Bernie’s
regular blog posts on his website where you will also fi nd his books, articles, and CDs:
http://www.berniesiegelmd.com. He is the Co-Academic Director of the Integrative Health and Healing M.A. Program at The Graduate Institute, Bethany, CT
34 ELM™ Maine - September/October 2018
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